/adv/ — Overcoming Hidden Transphobia

>>34601123 (OP)
Tell him that he needs to stop deluding himself. It's your responsibility as a friend.

>>34601123 (OP)
I have no idea man. Personally, I honestly think it'd be too awkward for me to handle.
On one hand I wouldn't want to offend the dude if he is decent, but on the other, it's just way too uncomfortable of a situation for me, so I guess I'd just slowly stop hanging around in person.

But that's just me, do what you judge is right.

>>34601123 (OP)
Your friend is turned on by pretending to be a woman. It's called autogynephilia, and that's what most of this "trans" stuff actually is. I would stop hanging out with a person like this. He's probably going to rape a child someday.

>>34601123 (OP)
talk to your friend. you're respecting their feelings and allowing them to be who they are around you, so they should give you the same attention and respect. maybe you can come to a compromise or an understanding. or maybe you can't. but you should talk about it.

How much do you value this friend?

>>34601123 (OP)
I've an uneasy feeling there's no good way out of this one. If you say you don't want people thinking you and she are together, then you're basically saying that you want to indulge other people's transphobia. Your friend could reasonably say "Well, obviously I'm not attracted to you and you're not attracted to me, but if we were attracted to each other, why *shouldn't* we be together? Why would anyone have a problem with that? Why would *you* have a problem with that? Obviously if someone sees a man and a woman together they might think they're a couple - why is that a problem?" And I don't think you have a good answer to that.

That said, I don't think you have any choice but to bite the bullet and ask her. You're clearly not going to be comfortable being friends with her the way things are going, so it's that or stop being friends. I think you need to resign yourself to the fact that there isn't a big way to bring it up, and bring it up anyway.

Don't. Embrace it, let it shine.

>>34601707
The good answer is that it's not a man and a woman, it's two men, one of which is isane.

>>34601829
And what's wrong with two men together?

OP don't tell her that. It's gonna really upset her and cost you your friendship with her. She'll think you're being transphobic. So you gotta decide if people giving you weird looks is enough to lose this friend over.

>>34601707
>If you say you don't want people thinking you and she are together, then you're basically saying that you want to indulge other people's transphobia
no you're not.. if you told a cis woman or a cis ma that you dont want people to think you're together it could be for all sorts of reasons. it could just be because you're single and dont want other potential partners to get the wrong idea.

>>34602214
>she

>>34601123 (OP)
If you cared about this person you would not entertain his self-destructive delusions. You are doing harm

>>34601123 (OP)
>How do I go about telling her that I only feel comfortable when she doesn’t dress like a female?

just like that. If you can't get past it, there's no point in lying about it. Just be prepared to lose whatever friendship you have, and that there is a non-zero chance they will attempt reputational sabotage if they are the type.

But if on the off chance they aren't the nasty type, its best for them to not have people around them they don't feel comfortable around either. They're having a hard enough time with what they think of their own identity, so you'd be doing them a favor by backing the fuck out as someone who's not quite on board with it.

Also, its not phobia. a phobia is an irrational fear. people should stop misusing words they dont know the meaning.

>>34602221
Yeah, but in his case the reason *is* because she's trans. Stop being disingenuous.

>>34601291
based
>>34601123 (OP)
what the fuck

you are right to be "le transphobic"

File: d85c0b08bd64f2d19b3568fe951050f2[1].jpg (38 KB, 735x684)

>>34604853
>she

>>34601123 (OP)
Transphobia is impossible because transgenderism is not real. A person cannot change their sex. You cannot change what chromosomes you were born with that determined your development. If my effeminate friend told me they wanted to castrate themselves with regular estrogen injections I would be okay with that, but I don't want to play pretend and call them a woman when they're obviously still a man. I can't be expected to call someone a friend if I treat them like a fucking retard.

>>34601123 (OP)
So you're just transphobic? Are you comfortable with your transphobia getting in the way of your friendship?

>>34601123 (OP)
Serious question, op, how deep is your friend into this? Are they planning to fully transition? Are they fully into the cult where being trans has become their whole personality?

from personal experience these people are self absorbed and will paint you as a villain to your other friends if you don't become a prop in their lifestyle.
Eventually they'll see it as a form of social control, they'll suddenly act like they care about politics, label you problematic or a nazi, and ostracize you to make an example for your other friends.
Doesn't matter if you were the only one to listen to their trauma dumps about rape and threatening suicide. They now have the tranny that's sodomizing them to trauma dump to.

>>34601123 (OP)
Does she suck dick like a woman? That's all that matters for you.

>>34605271
Fortunately she changed her gender and not her sex :3

>>34601123 (OP)
Tell it straight (heh) to your friend, he's obviously being a double closeted faggot, 'cause that's what trannies are: they won't admit to straights to being fags, but they don't want that to admit that to other fags either because they're deluding themselves that they're actually "female", lol yeah right.
Your friend is in desperate need of a reality check, he's in la-la land and you're partly responsible in fueling his make believe fantasy by going along with it rather than snapping him back to reality. If you're a good friend you'll tell him even things he'd rather not hear, just because a topic is uncomfortable doesn't mean it shouldn't be approached. Clearly you have a more... Honeyed take on the whole trannyism thing than I do so you'll be able to put into words your grievances more gently, and if he isn't too far gone you'll be able to make him reason. If not... Well that's your problem not mine, they couldn't pay me a million dollars to be friends with a fucking tranny.
Good luck!

>>34601123 (OP)
No such thing as transphobia: that's just common sense

>>34601123 (OP)
>she

Lmao you faggot

>>34601123 (OP)
That discomfort of being looked at, they're dealing with every day, everywhere they go, whoever they're with. I had a lot of goth and lolita friends that were initially uncomfortable to hang out with, but I saw how self expression fulfilled them and grew to admire how resilient they were to stranger's looks and comments. I guess it felt like I endured the discomfort in solidarity.

>>34605271
I find it's less that they demand to be called a woman than it is that they don't want to be called a man. They/them will usually do the trick. It's not so different from calling a fat person, fat. They are visibly fat. They are keenly aware that they are fat. Bringing this to their attention is usually quite distressing and frowned upon. Being a tranny is freedom to be who I want but was never allowed to, because I had to be a man. The implications of being a man in my family were beatings and a sexual relationship with my mother, who tried to kill herself when I wanted to 'break up' and compelled me to be a yes-man to every demanding bpd woman who got their talons in me for the rest of my life. I am a man, but bringing attention to it distresses me. Long years of psychiatric assessment and therapy might have corrected this association if I could have afforded it. Trooning out has otherwise been the fastest and most effective way to detach from trauma and build an optimistic new outlook on life.

>>34601123 (OP)
your friend is walking down a dark path, if you join him (start accepting this stuff in your head), your life will go downhill, you should probably bow out of the friendship

>>34607617
That is possibly the worst and most self destructive way of "dealing" with trauma I've ever heard of. Please find a better way. It doesn't take expensive therapy, you just need to lead an examined life. What you're doing now is the opposite of leading an examined life, you're essentially just putting your head in the sand and pretending that deluding yourself is a viable solution.

>>34605822
When most people refer to others as male or female they're referring to a person's sex, not gender. We should just stop using the word gender altogether because it only causes confusion and resentment. A person shouldn't feel the need to mold their body and behavior to suit whatever masculinity or femininity is considered to be. The number one reason so many people are miserable these days is because they base their self esteem on external validation.
>>34607617
Here is a perfect example

>>34605900
She dates women exclusively
>>34607617
I think this is it. Personally, I am uncomfortable of being perceived. She isn’t and has been a confident person even as a guy. I am not confident so being seen next to someone trans makes me feel lesser than normal people.
>>34607634
Thing is, I’ve always been fine with people. Let people do what they wanna do etc. But the weird looks get to you, so I think prejudice is coming out.

My personal belief is that this happened because excluding her dad she was in an all girls household and was socialized like one. I don’t think its a sexual thing or a faggot thing. When she was a guy all of her girlfriends were straight and normal. This is just a normal person, no autism whatsoever.

Simply stop caring what passerbys "think". They see a man and a woman they assume they're looking at a couple.
Alternately start dressing strange so everyone will be too intimidated to stare.