/adv/ — Trapped with a cheating wife

>>34601814 (OP)
You start cheating as well. Don't let her know though.

She obviously checked out of the relationship, try to do the same. If you can't leave you can't leave, but what you wrote here about asking her to stay around to support you emotionally, stop attempting stuff like that when it is obvious she is not interested in giving it to you. Protect yourself by not being that vulnerable with her and trying to look at it in a pragmatic way like she is a roommate you can split costs with and ocasionally a fun conversation.

>>34601814 (OP)
I still don't understand why people marry in this day and age when divorce rate is like 55% or something

>>34601814 (OP)
Kick her out.

>>34601814 (OP)
may I suggest beating her?

>>34601814 (OP)
brutal, I'm sorry anon. No coming back from this. I would just leave

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>>34601814 (OP)
A prison without bars, feels bad man. I would say that being needy to her isn't going to help, no matter how much you may actually feel it. I also won't say that it will draw her back to you if that's even in the cards, but it's more about preserving your self worth as much as you can. If there's anything outside of your marriage that gives you joy, friends or even other women I'd focus on that, it sounds like things with your wife are dissolving anyway. Countless men through history have survived this situation you can too.

>>34601814 (OP)
divorce her.
>Complex legal situation
Back to punjab ya go jamboy!

>>34601814 (OP)
ffffuuuucccckkkkk that sucks buddy
hold on though!!! focus on urself!!! have a more straightforward convo with her
unfaithful partners must be the worst people to live with, sometimes breaking up is the only way out

>>34601839
Don't do this, if she finds out she could have the upper hand in divorce court.
>>34601814 (OP)
The good news is that the law will favor you when the time comes, even though you're a man. What you need to do is spend the next year collecting as much evidence as possible. It's a shitty situation anon, I'm sorry, but be glad you found out. There are guys who go their whole lives with cheating wives and are none the wiser.

>>34601856
most often it's the woman goading them into it and, even though the men instinctively feel that something's off, the'll give in, because they want sex and fear losing her

>>34601814 (OP)
I really wonder, if this is a LARP
imagine setting yourself up for a life with a wife and then some complete BS like a discord acquaintance is going to ruin all of that
like wtf

guys NEVER marry NEVER do it. One "mistake" and she'll download some app or get an account anywhere and you're faced with competing against dozens of orbiters
brutal times we live in

>>34601814 (OP)
How on earth does a legal situation keep you in a marriage when you have proof of cheating

>>34603763
It's probably immigration related.

Online advice/articles for quiet quitting a job (or if you search 'quiet quitting a marriage') oddly might help in this situation.
My life for a while has been like this in a way, except the dynamic was with a toxic employer I couldn't seem to leave. But structurally it's a similar thing; someone with some sort of leverage or power over you is being irresponsible, and it's impacting your mental health because you're bound to them in some way.

>>34604597
REMINDER TO NEVER MARRY TO OBLIGATION AND EXCUSE OF LACK BECAUSE OF PROXIMETY.

YOU WILL FEEL TRAPPED

>>34601814 (OP)
>The kicker is that I'm in a complex legal situation so I can't leave for at least another year.
Well, then, talk to her, discuss the fact that the marriage is clearly over, even though you won't be able to formally start divorce proceedings for a while, and have a conversation about how you are going to manage things in the meantime. From now on you're going to be housemates rather than a couple, and both see (only) other people, etc. Talk about timetabling and logistics. It's actually quite common for couples to continue living together even after divorce (to look after kids, for example) and they make it work.

>>34601814 (OP)
Marriage is a life long commitment. I don't know what I'd do here. Brutal.

>>34601814 (OP)
It’s like there are all these signs that she’s not fulfilled, interested or happy, and then you expect her to cater to you?
I’ll buy her a drink and be the next in line once she’s done with the one she’s fucking with now.

>>34601814 (OP)
Damn bro, I'm so sorry you're in this shitshow.

>my wife
Some people never learn.

>>34603632
>want sex
I'm not OP, but these days I don't even want sex. I just want someone female to spend time with who isn't my mom, that I can cuddle with while watching a movie. Everywhere I go is a sausagefest. Like sure, I can watch movies with the homies, but I haven't had a hug from a woman other than my mom since before Covid and some guys don't even have that. Like, I just want to rest my head on boobs and relax.

>>34611174
Well... I do want sex, but I'm actually fine with jerking off. It's just that ASMR girlfriend roleplaying made me realize that I can temporarily listen to a woman saying nice things to me while I'm laying in bed, but then it isn't real and I'm all alone as soon as the video ends, which makes it worse. It's actually sad that I was able to delude myself a couple time in the fantasy and had some energy from these nice words, but deep down I know they are just doing it for the views and Youtube money or to get people to jump to their Patreon and I know that none of it is directed at me personally because she doesn't even know who I am.

I'm going to have a 3 bedroom home when my mom dies and nobody to share it with. I'll probably move out and downsize.

And I know better than to marry. I've seen the results. Fuck this Earth.

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>>34601814 (OP)
1: She is no longer your wife. She is your future ex-wife. Start thinking about her as such and treating her appropriately.
2: Disengage as much as possible, and distance yourself from the situation and your feelings as much as possible.
3: Remember you only need to put up with this bullshit for one year. You can try to fake stuff to sort of keep up appearances, or you can use hatred and bitterness to keep yourself going - this part is up to you, both paths work, one might be easier than the other.
4: Start a calendar and count the days or weeks until your release. It helps for prisoners, it will help for you.
5: Start looking for another woman NOW. It's easier to get one when you already have one. It's kind of like when you're looking for a job. It's easier to get one when you already have one.
5b: the woman you get, you have multiple angles to play - you can be honest, and she might feel bad for you because of the cheating wife, or you can be sneaky, not let them know you are married at all, OR you can let them know you are married, but this new woman is so special, you're going to divorce your wife for her, because you've never felt so much for anyone the way you feel for her before, whatever.... Lots of bullshit options. But trust me, it is over, it's BEEN over, there is no coming back from it, and you need to look forward, not backward.
Good luck.

>>34611298
>5: Start looking for another woman NOW. It's easier to get one when you already have one. It's kind of like when you're looking for a job. It's easier to get one when you already have one.
Fucking hell, mate, let the guy breathe.

>>34603609
Listen to this Anon, also be sure to be a good husband, trying to work things out, couples counseling, crap like that. Before divorce look for a good lawyer, and if you can maybe hire a private investigator, he can get more evidence legally. Good luck OP.

>>34601814 (OP)
I'm sorry to hear it OP. Such an awful situation to be in.
Do you know why she isn't happy with her relationship? Was she lovable and eager before? Did something happen to make things change?
Maybe you can try and talk things out. Married couples are supposed to care for each other and try to fix things before humping straight to divorce.
For better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health and all of that.
Though to be honest, personally I wouldn't feel very keen on being with someone who isn't emotionally into the relationship anymore.

>>34611362
Nah, not that anon but it's best not to embrace being a loser for even a single day

No one here ever likes this advice but you need to get her to think you're cheating on her too. You dont actually have to, but you need to make her think you are

>>34611378
>derives his value as a man by having a woman around at all times

>>34611378
From. From having. Shite.

It's worth pointing out that if you want someone to date you, you have to be worth dating. If you're depressed, drinking heavily, whatever the issue might be your partner might lose interest.

You know... it might be you.

But in many ways that's a good thing because it puts the issue back on your hands, it's a reversible issue, you can become worth dating again without, before, potencially after they break up with you.

>>34601814 (OP)
Stop pretending to be a victim and start cheating.

>>34611378
What the fuck. Not having a whore around doesnt make you a loser.