/adv/ — How do damaged women become BPD and can they be saved?

Damaged women develop maladaptive coping mechanisms that are okay for the environment they are being damaged in, incredibly destructive in all other environments. It has to be stopped early. As soon as a child sees overly-large bursts of emotion can get them their way, stand firm. Otherwise, youre looking at 7-10 years of therapy for them to get kind of normal. It's a personality disorder, so it can't be cured with a pill. Literally needs an attitude adjustment over years where they choose to ignore what their overdramatoc feelings are telling them.

To save them requires them to understand and admit they have a problem. Good luck with that.

>>34613769 (OP)
>How do damaged women become BPD
It's a mixture of genetics and upbringing. BPD is regarded as a neurodivergent condition, so it's distantly related to things like autism, ADHD, Tourette's, Dyslexia, OCD, etc.

>and can they be saved?
Yes, by years of targeted theory. DBT is a popular option.

>>34613769 (OP)
You're born with bpd. Men have is as often as women. It manifests differently though. Women are more about telling everyone how they love them, telling everyone about hoe they're rape victims and threatening suicide. Men actually externalize their illness a lot more. More putting themselves in dangerous situations, more alcohol and drug abuse, more radical shifts in political worldview.

>>34613769 (OP)
Just sounds like every women I've come across. They are all overally emotional and honestly just fucking annoying. Best way to deal with them is stick a dick up her throat to shut her up.

>>34613769 (OP)
wow I had never heard the term 'BPD' before this... it sounds quite tough
i'm curious if it's somehow connected to high sensitivity or emotional hyper-reactivity
>>34613785
you are probably right with it requires long term conscious effort rather than just medication
those intense emotional reactions probably started as a way to cope with something painful.. but end up hurting the person and everyone around them
it seems like it really does need a lot of conscious work to get better

>>34614049
Look it up. It is connected to both those things. I haven't studied it much, but basically it is what happens when your emotions are the way you get things. Children who either have not been told no ir have been told no too much except for when they cried, alongside having a genetic predisposition, often develop it. Abusive environments and extremely coddled environments both can produce this.

Such children find that they can get what they want by being overemotional, whether to stop abuse or buy a new pony. This leads the behavior to develop further by the time they become adults.

They will have intense, often uncontrollable emotions that they don't know how to deal with. This leads them to depend on others for emotional regulation, which is why they play with your emotions to regulate their own.

They also have issues bridging the gap between idealized and vilified versions of the same person, so they will leap between the two, loving you tenderly one moment and then easily abandoning you the next and finding someone else. This is referred to as splitting.

Dramatic displays are their survival mechanism. When they threaten suicide or cut themselves, they make sure it is extra visible. Look at me, im so damaged, be kind to me no matter what I do. They seek validation from an external source for everything. If you are dmotionally wrapped around their finger, then they are good, until their own unstable emotions destroy it or others get sick of their antics.

The interesting part is that most don't even realize they are doing these behaviors, at least not without deep introspection. This, combined with the fact that the disorder has them primarily looking at others as the source of both their problems and fortunes means that most will never realize they have been the source of their own problems, and most who do will find it too difficult to fix themselves. Shame is anathema to them, and most would rather die than face it and improve.

>>34613769 (OP)
She sxy

>>34613769 (OP)
>How do damaged women become BPD
Through severe familial abuse from baby to young adult. It turns out if you expose a baby to non stop shouting and screaming and alcoholism or physical or verbal abuse the baby's development gets fucked up.

>Can they be saved?
Yeah through a fuck ton of therapy. But they will always experience emotions at 200% volume. Unless they take antipsychotics to dull it down. That's BPD in a nutshell btw. Things that provoke emotion in normal people, for them, it's 1,000% more intense. That's why their extreme anger and hatred is proportional to their insane love bombing and idealizing if you when things are good.

The BPD can only ever start getting better when they start realizing that everyone else is experiencing reality differently to them. Much differently. And it's themselves with the 1% occurrence of the insane emotional volume. And that's what's getting them into trouble all the time

>>34615027
Is it possible for a person to be mostly self-regulated with other relationships (family, professional, friends) and only display BPD traits with their SO? Especially if that person also exudes some bpd traits in themselves, plus anger issues, avoidant?

Feels like I'm in a match-made in hell. I wish I was 100% the problem so I could actually make this work out

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>>34613769 (OP)
>tfw no BPD gf

>>34613769 (OP)
Geezus. If a girl acted like this with me I drop her immediately. Why stay with someone like this?

>>34615059
Yes. Although, a decent signifies of BPD is in past relationships, are their relationships often unstable, that sort of thing. They can actually be pretty decent to others as well, while the BPD is on their SO. They are also good at projection and it's fairly common for people with a BPD SO to think they themselves have BPD. I am not a psychologist. Take all these things I say with a big grain of salt. It is merely what I have read. Hell, you may not even truly be avoiding or have anger issues, but you may think you do.

My advice would be to see a therapist, tell all these things to them, and more. Also, introspect. And when you do, think about objective reality. What helped me was realizing that if I treated my person with BPD a tenth the way they treated me, they would go insane. This made me realize the situation was abnormal, but you may have to find another method. But make sure to pay attention to objective reality. It is your friend, screenshot everything, etc. And finally, set firm boundaries. Be close, but if she goes too far, let her know you have a boundary. This may cause you to break up.

Godspeed, soldier. If you can get her to see the light, you may save her from herself. But that is unlikely. There is a certain point where what you can do ends and it will be on her. It may be best to cut your losses and run. If you do, accept that you may end up being the villain of her story. Ultimately, the choice is yours. I would check yourself in with a therapist and just talk with them for advice. They would know better than I.

>>34615163
Thanks for the thoughtful reply. I started therapy for myself because I definitely see problems (accepting far too much as "quirky personality, not enforcing boundaries, not being upfront with feelings, sorta going too much with the flow while simultaneously internalizing the anger, the insults etc)

I definitely know I get defensive/shut down when I'm around emotionally explosive people. My mom has BPD so that's why I worry I have it too. Ive struggled with relationships before (because of see above) men find me desirable because I'm kinda male-minded while also appearing very fem. Then once the "chase" is over, I get treated like garbage (current situation)

I think my bf has bpd or some antisocial personality but I'm not a psychologist either. It's the match made in he'll scenario because in his mind - all the maltreatment is justified because (???) Honestly I dont know what I did to deserve this besides conditioning him that when he's mean and pulls away - I apologize/ make it up to him.

I just wanted little reassurances that the love was still there. Became so much of a burden emotionally that I'm now enemy #1 because I left when things got so bad it was like an abuser/codependent situation. Thank God we dont have kids together.

>>34615188
This sounds like a messy relationship. Thank you for being honest with your issues. In the case of this new info, it is possible you have it. I would check with a psychologist. The sad truth is that it can be difficult to know these things clearly because projection actually does work, despite how overly convenient it may sound. Especially over time when people get worn down. Also, if this pattern of the chase has happened a fair number of times before with you, it is possible you might be the one who actually has it. But, you being able to worry that your behaviors might be signs of BPD also is a good sign you may not have it. Only a psychologist with a good amount of info can make the judgement.

It could be because your mom has it and your behavior adapted without having BPD, or your mom has it and you have both the genetic predisposition and traumatic past that results in you having it. It's sad but having a parent with BPD who isn't doing any treatment is a prime ground for giving their children BPD, alongside the genetic factor.

It's difficult to tell just from your posts, because part of BPD is a high level of bias. The borderline part was named for how it's borderline psychotic how people with BPD interpret events in ways that don't align with reality. Definitely bring up everything with a psychologist. Other people with keen objective familiarity with your life will be key to determining if you or he have it.

Either way, it's a difficult situation. BPD makes others fall into BPD-like patterns, which muddies the water. Pay attention to the objective realities of your relationship and in what ways it is reciprocal and what ways it isn't.

For love, it exists for people with bpd, but they love what you do for them more than they love you. They often love the idea of you and then its the small ugly realities that shatters the illusion and makes them disproportionately think you're awful.

>>34615297
Thank you again for the reply.

I think the reality is we are both broken and there's little hope >_<

It's tough just throwing everything away because the good was really good.

I think it's best for society I just become volcel and just work and play vidya

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>>34615330
No problem for the replies.

Broken isn't too bad. It can always get better with effort. You can control your actions and better yourself. If you care for him, the best thing is to pray that he can do the same. As you said, you cannot solve problems that aren't yours. Do what you can for him, but then the ball is in his court.

Throwing everything away is tough, but if a common thing for BPD people is that the bad is really bad, but the good is really good. This rollercoaster is nice when its high, but it must come down, and it eventually stays low. All the longest and healthiest marriages commonly report the key is a stable equilibrium. People with BPD split, so they cannot have that. The good parts are almost addicting. You feel like someone truly understands you and loves you. Mirroring is something people with BPD do. Commonly this is referred to as too good to be true. What helped me was realizing that while I was missing the good, I also didn't have to live through the bad anymore. I didn't have to walk on eggshells constantly, or listen to 4 hour soliloquies about someone's feelings because they needed me to emotionally regulate themselves. Small things I did that set them off and they tried to convince me was awful ended up not mastering with other people. I suddenly had more mental energy to do things instead of having to constantly seek relief.

Whatever you do, focus on building yourself. Retire from dating for a while, work and play vidya, and also learn to enjoy the quiet constancy of life. Get off the roller coaster, essentially. Then start working up to better things. Once you finish healing, date again if you wish. If you want to learn more about bpd or need reminders, good starting books on the subject are

I hate you, don't leave me
Stop caretaking the borderline or narcissist
Stop walking on eggshells
Whole again

Also, there are subreddits for recovering BPDs and people living with BPDs (inb4 leddit). You'll be fine.

>>34613885
>is regarded as a neurodivergent condition, so it's distantly related to things like autism, ADHD, Tourette's, Dyslexia, OCD, etc.
ABSOLUTELY. FUCKING. WRONG. You are spewing random misinformation pulled out of your ignorant ass. You are so fucking retarded jfc kys

>>34615453
I would love it if you could give us a citation for BPD not being considered a neurodivergent condition...?

>>34615127
I've slowly realized that the girl I've been dating for the last 3 months has bpd. I wasn't familiar with this condition before so it's been hard for me to understand some of the things she has done.

Why do I stay?
Because the sex is incredible. Like unbelievable even. She begs for me to cum in all her holes. So I put up with the other stuff in return.

>>34615453
In fact, the entire thread basically devolved into intense victimization bait and trannies at a troubling rate.


Blame this retard >>34613785 and his low-IQ replies.

>>34615558
Bro how do you meet a girl like this? How do you contact her? Did she contact you first? I wish I had a bitch girlfriend I think I could handle her (by ignoring her mostly and fucking her whenever I want)