/qst/ — Low Rung Researcher Quest #5

File: You have waited long enough, reader..png (7 KB, 714x531)

Alright. You're stuck with this thing for the foreseeable future. You might as well play 'nice' with it. With how temperamental the cat is, you're not even sure if it'd respect that. It clearly does not respect the laws of reality given that it can manifest objects out of thin air.

Are there even any limits to that power? Can the cat manifest anything it wants-

"Ahem." The cattethinge clears its throat. "Is this the sort of treatment you give to all of your guests?"

"Quite appalling behavior," the tumor chortles in agreement, its corpulent form shaking in a hypnotically vile motion. "Quite appalling, indeed. I do not like how this work order proceeds, my loving hostess."

"It seems that we are of one mind on this," LMS pronounces decisively.

"Indeed..." the tumor concurs in a low murmur.

You haven't even done anything yet and the two are already agitated. Great.

"vincent didn't even do anything yet!" Ashton, bless her heart, moves in to defend you. "come on, let's not get off on the wrong foot here."

"Paw," Little Miss Sunshine immediately corrects Ashton. It continues didactically, "Please be precise in your command of analogy. To use words without bothering to understand..."

"... is a waste of time for everyone involved," the tumor finishes with a sneer.

"o-oh, right." Ashton forces a smile, if only to be polite.

After a moment, Nicole decides that it would be prudent to join the conversation because it's clear this won't go anywhere if she just stands around.

"I apologize if we got off on the wrong paw with you. We are here to do a few routine questions. Would you be fine with that, miss?"

A low purr reverberates through LMS' throat but no actual words are spoken. You're guessing that's a good sign at least?

"We wish to respect your rules, since obviously, it's only the most polite thing to do." Nicole offers a notepad to the cattethinge. "Do you mind writing down your rules for us?"

The tumor chortles yet again, deeply amused by the proposal. "It is a new age, hosttess. An freak age where we must dictate even the barest rudiments of propriety to people whose agencies are already circumscribed by them."

"Such barbarians. Meow." The cat lazily flicks its tail. It snatches the notepad from Nicole, deciding that it'll play along for now. The cancerous mass of flesh hanging from its back lovingly whispers to LMS' ear as it continues to write. "It is in stone, but, nonetheless, what I have written, I have written."

It bats the notepad off the table without a second thought, but Ashton manages to catch it in the nick of time. You and Nicole huddle around Ashton to see what, exactly, the cat wrote. The cat's handwriting is actually remarkably neat considering its hands are massive ungainly paws.

RULE 1.) You must address me directly as only Little Miss Sunshine, Lil Miss Sunshine, or any variants thereof. Nicknames are strictly forbidden, for they show a blatant lack of respect.

File: A treat for me, and only me..jpg (137 KB, 971x728)

RULE 2.) It is rude to leave a guest unattended for prolonged periods of time. Scheduling regular visits would be in your best interest.
RULE 3.) Raising your voice, frowning, crying, throwing crude insults, or otherwise causing a scene will be immediately punished. We are civilized people, meow.
RULE 4.) Any time I request something, it would be in your best interest to satisfy my request as soon as possible. This may come in the form of food or patting my head.

The rest of the notepad is filled with "meow" and "purr" and then at the very end?

NOT A RULE.) Your associates bore me. I would strongly prefer that you visit me vis-a-vis, Vincent. Meow.

Your mouth is forced into an ear-to-ear smile. Right, great, excellent. You should've expected this, really. Why would she take your request seriously? Ashton opens her mouth to say something, but somehow, you know that the words that come out of it aren't hers. "i appreciate the time you spent writing down these rules, and i apologize on behalf of nicole." Her knuckles have turned white around the notepad.

Nicole's lip quivers. "Mmh hmm. We're so dumb for asking you about these super obvious rules. We're really sorry about it." Her smile is small and soft and her eyes are frantically rolling about in their sockets like a cornered rat running right into the trap it must run into.

Little Miss Sunshine's tail swishes around from side to side. "It is only polite for a hostess to accept a sincere apology. I 'forgive' you." Her words elicit another sycophantic chuckle from the tumor.

Your two friends both exhale shakily as that terrible compulsive power seems to recede. Both keep up clearly fake smiles if only to follow the anomaly's 'rules'. Your face is as impassive as ever. There's this terrible nausea rising up from the mere act of talking to this thing. You are on the cusp of something violent, disgust and hatred rising up faintly in the back of your throat like a broaching spew.

Instead, you force it down and smile slightly and bow your head as you address the anomaly on behalf of your coworkers. "Thank you for being so kind. Now, may we ask how we can make your stay here better? We wouldn't want to make a bad first impression."

Your humbled question gets a genuine nod of approval from the cat. "I see you do not intend to fully waste my time. Good. In turn, I will keep my request simple."

"For today, I will only ask that you provide me with most luxurious cat food you can provide. The best of the best, the cream of the crop, par excellence. The cat's meow if you would." She seems incredibly pleased by the last phrase.

"I will forward my daily request to you through the means I have available." She points at the security camera with her tail. "Now then..."

Since you don't really have a say in the matter, you approach the manifested table and place five cans of cat food on the table. Little Miss Sunshine's eyes lazily open as she espies the offerings.

File: Teeth is teeth is teeth.jpg (32 KB, 459x640)

With vexing, certainly intentional deliberation, she slowly rears her entire body back and upwards, its sharp claws extending onto the table, and she ambles forward in the distinctively feline four-beat gait and begins to inspect the food set before it.

"Ahhh, finally, after all that exertion" she huffs, "the eagerly awaited sustenance makes its entrance to the scene."

The cat seems to take her time weighing them up at all and she is sober in the doing, judging as perhaps it does that things are seldom what they seem. But perhaps things are simply are as they are. A cat is a cat is a cat and a cat must have its cat food from the cat food can.

With a single claw LMS scrapes a perfect circle widdershins — you all wince from the shrill torture of metal far louder than it ought to be — and pops open the can with a single flick. The cat dips her head for a tentative lick, then tucks in in earnest.

om nom nom nom nom...

You all look on like whipped dogs as the cat feasts and feasts right in front your eyes. The tumor is leveled at you and your posse with the severity of a judge looking down from his stand or perhaps a bronze barrel of a howitzer. You think it's staring, but it's hard to tell when it has no eyes.

"So?" the tumor asks.
"So-so," the cat replies. "om nom nom nom nom..."
"So..." you falter.
"So." Nicole murmurs.
"so," Ashton interjects at last. "can we... examine you? i mean, you you, not her. it's for, you know, obvious reasons."

"As mine beloved hostess is currently engaged with epicurean delights..." the tumor wheezes. "So be it, you may."

You exhale as you finally make some headway with this difficult thing. You and Ashton cautiously approach the tumor while Nicole stays back to write down your discoveries. Let's see what you're working with here.

>2 SUCCESSES!
The first thing you notice is how dry and hard the surface of the tumor is. You had taken it to be made of flesh before but it's actually more similar to concrete than anything organic. The dull red color of its skin reminds you of a rusty rebar pole. Why rebar, you're not sure.

This makes any attempt at getting a sample, well, fruitless. The only 'soft' part of the tumor appears to be the bright pink flesh around its mouth which is lined with a row of mismatched teeth.

"i thought it was cat teeth at first, because you know, but then i recognized human teeth." Ashton points out a particularly sharp tooth jutting from the tumor. "i think there's even a harvester tooth in here somewhere."

"Astute." The tumor shakes itself in an intimation of a nod.

"Appearances are important. A winning smile has seen many corners of world. Would you like to see more?" it says with a deep male basso voice which strikes a repulsive contrast with its almost insectile, childlike eagerness.

"i do not like the sound of that, but go ahead, sir...?"

The tumor opens its mouth and, smiling, its great many teeth shine. God, there's too many teeth in here to count.

File: acatisacatisacatisacatisacat.jpg (61 KB, 1080x1350)

There's teeth growing into flesh, there's flesh growing out of teeth, there's teeth growing out of teeth. It's an abyss of teeth upon teeth.

Jealousy flares across Ashton's face but she swiftly regains her composure. "woah, i recognize this. you're a sentient teratoma."

The tumor makes an extremely pleased noise in being recognized as such. Ashton leans in to get a closer look at the tumor's throat. "where's your tongue?"

"It is being borrowed," the tumor cryptically answers. You do spot a recess in its mouth where a tongue would be, but as Ashton said, it's not there. You manage to shine a light inside its throat which is abruptly sealed only about an inch or two past where its tongue should be.

"That too, is also being borrowed." The tumor chortles again. Abruptly, a rust orange tongue manifests in its mouth. The fleshy mass blocking its throat is gone. A mass of half chewed cat food pours into the tumor's mouth, which it eagerly starts chewing.

"huh. so the two share a mouth then." Ashton's yellow eyes glimmer once she processes how bizarre the anomaly's anatomy is. Any further examination is abruptly cut off by a sharp *ahem.*

"It's terribly rude to stare." Little Miss Sunshine's sharp tone immediately forces the two of you to look up. She is sitting upright now and at attention and glaring directly into your soul. "None here can comprehend the reasons for your continued imposition onto my acquaintance. Now...Would you all kindly step away?"

The hideous compulsion grips your entire body like a baleful marionette and you are forced step by step all the way back until your back slams into the wall on the other side of the room. Ashton joins you next and you both stand there, unable to say a word. Nicole slowly steps away from the cat thing, hoping to avoid its attention.

Little Miss Sunshine flicks her tail with noticeable agitation. "I am bored by this charade. If you have, I would all kindly ask you again to—"

"W-w-wait!" Nicole points at the table with her pen. "If you can tell us something about that table, we'll leave!"

Little Miss Sunshine tilts her head. She's apparently so caught-off guard by the sudden question that she doesn't even protest the interruption.

"What my coworker is referring to," you try to clarify as you find your voice (or are allowed to find your voice), "is how you made that table appear. We didn’t bring it in here, and I’m sure the people who built the containment cell didn’t do it. So how?"

"'How come?' Why is that something you care to know about?" Little Miss Sunshine asks in genuine confusion. "That is a remarkably useless question. I should give you a medal for that."

"Nihil dicit," The tumor chimes in.

"I-it's not a useless question! I'm really curious!" Nicole stammers out, but her words only result in the cat's piercing stare being locked right onto her.

"What I am dealing with are people manifestly incapable of thinking for themselves," the cat says in dripping disdain.

File: A treat for you, and only you.jpg (74 KB, 596x800)

You all have to stand there and take it as you all patiently wait for her to continue her train of thought. A most affected sigh escapes the cat's 'mouth', or where it would have a mouth. "Is this act truly so out of the ordinary? Anomalies are, by definition, those which defy the rules that humans have presupposed in their arrogance."

Little Miss Sunshine stands, hops off the table, and spins a claw in the air.

"I had simply decided that a table should fit inside of this boring, boring room. Guests require a place to sit, so I included the chairs as well. If this hovel of a containment cell is to be my room, then it is to be decorated as my room. I have merely elected it to be and so, it is."

Little Miss Sunshine leans against the table. She grabs a cupcake off the table and smears it against her face, much like the cat food she was chowing down on.

"The order in creation which you see is that which I have put there. I could say I am doing these things according to my tastes, but the rules of civility countermand local judgements. That winesodden robot of yours is doing much the same, is she not? All I did was repeat what exists in one part as in any other part."

"Indeed," the tumor chimes in. "I can smell the smoke of cigarettes and that particular scent of leather upholstery from her lounge all the way over here."

"I tire of your little game of twenty questions. I hold you all in contempt, court is adjourned, begone and trouble me-"

A pause.

"I..." LMS straightens up as she regains her composure. "That was terribly uncouth of me, wasn't it?"

You wait as if she's going to say something else, but you have the feeling that she isn't the kind of personality to apologize so freely...

"You are free to take a drink and a snack on the way out. Enjoy."

You all grab a steaming cup of tea and some sugary nonsense. Everyone is more than eager to get the hell out of here. Your posse exits the containment cell in an almost neat, single file line which breaks apart the instant you cross the threshold of the containment cell.

----
LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE MOOD: 3/3 (Everything is better in threes.)
----

You collapse to your knees, and your coworkers swiftly join you on the floor. The silence that hangs in the air like a horrific stench is immediately broken by a voice you really, really wish you didn't have to listen to right now.

"Vincey? Are you okay? Did that-"

"Please. Not right now." With how tightly locked your jaw is, your teeth are about to shatter out of sheer stress. Venti takes the hint and shuts her mouth, not wanting to agitate you even more than you already are.

Minutes pass before anyone is comfortable enough to move. Venti helps you back to your feet, while Ashton moves to help Nicole up. The time you spent on the floor gave you enough time to shake off everything that happened. Now that you're not in that cat's domain, you feel...

Fine isn't the right term but your mind is holding together.

File: FROMTHEWAR.jpg (36 KB, 543x416)

The same can be said for Ashton and Nicole, they're holding up about as well as anyone else would be after a work order with that anomaly. The flowers did their job well enough, that's all you can say.

You hear a knock at the front door.

"You guys prepare the, uh, cloth samples. I'll check on that." You're willing to deal with whoever's on the other side of the door if it means you can take a break.

Another knock rings from the door. Then another. You open the door to see who the hell is bothering you right now.

https://youtu.be/p4K0fuIPMSQ - ???

Well, the powerful lights you ordered a few hours ago are resting right outside, but your attention is drawn to the man standing right outside your door. By the looks of it, he's a soldier plucked straight out of the trenches of WW1 with the way he's dressed.

The soldier dusts bits of grey mud from his old fashioned uniform. You note how his hands are somehow even paler and grayer than your own hands, like he's a dead man walking. His expression is unreadable thanks to the old timey gas mask hanging off his face, but your gut tells you he's smirking beneath that mask.

He throws himself back in a silent laugh, and you decide you have enough. You're about to slam the door in his face when the soldier loudly clears his throat.

"...REQUESTING YOUR SERVICE, SIR." That's not a human's voice. It may mimic the cadence of a man's voice, but it doesn't come naturally to the soldier. It's like he has to manually pull on each individual vocal cord to sound out a syllable.

"YOUR TRACK RECORD IN FIGHTING ANOMALOUS ENTITIES HAS BEEN NOTED." The soldier rummages through his pockets for a moment, before handing over a large slip of paper to you. "WE WOULD REQUEST YOU CHOOSE ONE ENTITY TO TRACK DOWN FOR US LATER."

"SERVICE IS NOT MANDATORY, BUT WE SUGGEST YOU CONSIDER OUR OFFER."

CONTRACT #1
RISK: LOW
DESCRIPTION: ROGUE CLEANING AUTOMATON. USED TO BE COMRADE. DESIGNATED ALL HUMANS AS CORPSES TO BE CLEANED. KILL IT.
LOCATION: LAYER 1
DEADLINE: TODAY
REWARD: $150, 100% SALVAGE SHARE, PACK OF COMBAT ENHANCING DRUGS

CONTRACT #2
RISK: MEDIUM
DESCRIPTION: MAD PROPHET. LIGHT BORN OF MADNESS AND MISERY. HAS BEEN HARRASING FELLOW PRIESTS. COMPLETE MORALE KILLER. DEAD OR ALIVE.
LOCATION: LAYER 4
DEADLINE: TOMORROW
REWARD: $666, CHOICE OF ANTI-ANOMALOUS EQUIPMENT (FOR FUTURE CONTRACTS)

CONTRACT #3
RISK: HIGH
DESCRIPTION: COGNITOHAZARDOUS, MIND-ALTERING BROADCAST OF UNKNOWN ORIGIN. BROADCAST HAS INCREASED RATE OF HARVESTER ATTACKS BY 500%. LOCATE AND DISABLE SOURCE.
LOCATION: LAYER 3?
DEADLINE: DAY AFTER TOMORROW.
REWARD: $300, A SAFER FACILITY FOR EVERYONE INVOLVED, CHOICE OF IMPLANT TO UPGRADE YOU AND ONE ALLY.

Which contract(s) do you choose? You may choose multiple.
>CONTRACT #1.
>CONTRACT #2.
>CONTRACT #3.
>All of them. None of these sound too hard, really!
>Shoo the soldier away. You're not humoring whatever this is.
>Ask the soldier a question? (Write in?)
>Write in.

>>6395498
>All of them. None of these sound too hard, really!
No guts no glory

>>6395498
>CONTRACT #2.
>CONTRACT #3.
And we are BACK!!

>>6395498
WOOOOOOOOO
>CONTRACT #1.
>CONTRACT #2.

File: LIL o7.png (103 KB, 592x556)

>>6395498
>CONTRACT #1.
>CONTRACT #3.

>>6395498
>All of them
YEAH BABY THATS WHAT WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR, SIDEQUESTS WOO
>Ask the soldier a question?
Does service guarantee citizenship?
>and
What does he think of our brother?

File: VINCENTDESIRESVIOLENCE.png (11 KB, 500x427)

>>6395498
Oh hell yeah we are so fucking back, my Vincent withdrawal has receeded
>>All of them. None of these sound too hard, really!
Ok so hear me out, the first one sounds easy enough that not taking it would be a waste, second one would give us the rewards to prepare Vincent for the third one of which sounds too dangerous to ignore (a very close associate is a harvester, we dont need her getting mind fucked) plus if desired we can have Vincent take one at a time each day ( Contract 1's deadline is today, while number 2 is tomorrow and contract 3 is the day after). Also we could recruit Vincent's bro to fight 2 and 3 succesively (its his holy mission).

>>6395498
>CONTRACT #2.
>CONTRACT #3.

>Ask the soldier a question?
Does service guarantee citizenship?
>give a PROPER salute when we dismiss him

>>6395498
>All of them. None of these sound too hard, really!
We're so back Vincels and we must KILL!

>>6395498
>All of them. None of these sound too hard, really!

>>6395498
>All of them. None of these sound too hard, really!

File: Songbird o1.png (72 KB, 400x400)

Repost, last until I'm back awake. Tomorrow to say.

Vincent's set free form the cage by Songbird for the moment.

Now write in to what the wagie's going to do with this newly require freedom,
while Songbird munch on some apple slices.

>Try out a hobbies. Maybe painting perhaps?
>Wageslave's always a wageslave. Vincent got straight back to work by HARD TIMES.
>Attend the anime watching sessions. With Lucy's choice of show, of course.
>Hang out with 199X and the lads.

>Something else..

>>6395498
>All of them. None of these sound too hard, really!
This will benefit people here if we take care all them. A good rep among personnel here.

>>6395498
>>CONTRACT #2.
Between needing to gouge our flesh out to fulfill a contract and the possible need to deal with hostile harvesters, we really should not seek out so many fights. Just one to avoid peeving off whoever this guys represents. I would pick the first but given the deadline for the flesh samples is today, avoiding it is probably for the best.

>Ask the soldier a question?
> Who are you? Who are you representing?

>>All of them. None of these sound too hard, really!
i feel like the second we should be able to get them alive

>>6395498
>All of them. None of these sound too hard, really!
Fuck it, we ball.

Welcome back QM!

>>6395498
>All of them. None of these sound too hard, really!
Agreeing with >>6395585's arguments why we should bite off more than we could reasonably chew ... again. Plus I wonder how layer 4 is doing after the recent events.

>Ask the soldier a question? (Write in?)
Who are we working for here?
Can our new employer secure us an actual permit for layer 4?
Where do they sell those fashionable gas masks?
Also +1 for trying to finish off with a proper salute.

>>6395636
>Attend the anime watching sessions. With Lucy's choice of show, of course.
Mental health break after LIL to finally break our mental health.

>>6395498
>ALL OF THEM
>Who are you? Who are you representing? Who are we working for here?
>Does service guarantee citizenship?
>What does he think of our brother?
>Where do they sell those fashionable gas masks?
>give a PROPER salute when we dismiss him

Would've closed earlier but I got dragged into town and it went on way longer than I wanted it to.

ALL OF 'EM: uMw, k0R, wMx, 2vN, yqz, T91, /1a, fF9, HwV, OBh, 9y6
CONTRACT #1: o+8, K+b
CONTRACT #2: yxY, o+8, Mri, rg4
CONTRACT #3: yxY, K+b, Mri
QUESTIONS: k0R, Mri, rg4, 9y6

I'll throw in the questions for free, since they won't really add much to the update, and there's no reason why you can't ask him them. So.

You're going to take all three contracts. Like the good little wageslave you are. I'm glad to see that even after two weeks, everyone is still on the same page when it comes to how much Vincent should suffer. Gotcha. Writing the update now.

>>6395542
A delicious meal made for, by, and with a delicious cat thing. Enjoy the snacks she graciously provided you.

>>6395585
OH JESUS FUCK VINCENT WHAT ARE YOU DOING STOP STOP STOP!!!

>>6395636
Vincent...he hung me from the fucking ceiling. Help me, questers.
>Attend the anime watching sessions. With Lucy's choice of show, of course.

>>6395504
>>6395521
>>6395585
>>6395608
>>6395699
I'm glad to see people are excited about my quest returning. Another 100 updates of your favorite wageslave, coming straight to YOUR house.

>>6395835
I’m slightly embarrassed to admit that I updated the QST front page multiple times a day hoping for Low Rung Researcher to return.

I did pick up a couple of fun ones in the meantime though!

File: SOLDIER.jpg (50 KB, 500x500)

"Okay. One step at a time, 'sir'. Who, exactly, do you represent? Who are you? Who are you working for?"

With long, filthy nails, the soldier scratches into the side of his neck. Your expression stays neutral as you watch on. You're too exhausted to really be disgusted at the sight.

"I REPRESENT THE BRITISH ISLES AND THE NATIONS WITHIN IT. I AM MERELY A BOY WHO WAS BORN AND RAISED IN BRITAIN, IF WE MUST BE SPECIFIC." The soldier stops scratching his neck, seemingly satisfied with the damage he did to it. You can see pearly white bone poking from the newly scratched hole.

"I WORK ON BEHALF OF MY SERGEANT, WHO IS OCCUPYING A SMALL BASE IN LAYER 4, COMPOSED OF SEVERAL OF WHAT YOU CALL 'OFFICES'. HE HEARD ABOUT WHAT YOU DID TO THE MOTHER OF A THOUSAND LEGS, AND HE SEES POTENTIAL IN YOU. MEN LIKE YOU ARE BORN TO PLAY THE ULTIMATE GAME, HE SAID."

"And that game is?"

"WAR, SIR." The soldier chuckles at your question. "WHAT ELSE WOULD IT BE?"

"I see?" You feel like prying for more details is a lost cause, but at least you know where to find his boss. "So I'm a hired mercenary for the army, then? Am I understanding that correctly?"

"CORRECT." The soldier nods. "YOUR OBLIGATIONS START AND END WITH THE CONTRACTS, WHICH, I SHOULD REMIND YOU, YOU SHOULD CONSIDER ACCEPTING ONE."

"Right, sorry, I still have a few more questions. Would my service guarantee citizenship?" You can already piece together that he isn't human, so you might as well play along.

The question causes the soldier to do a double take. Has no one else asked him this before? "IT WOULD DEPEND ON YOUR PERFORMANCE, BUT I BELIEVE THAT AN EXCEPTIONALLY GOOD JOB WOULD WARRANT GRANTING YOU HONORARY CITIZENSHIP. MY SERGEANT WOULD CERTAINLY OFFER A SOLDIER OF THE BRITISH ISLES BETTER CONTRACTS."

Got it. If you do a good enough job, you might get better missions from this freak. That's all you needed to hear. "Coolio. I assume I'm not the only person you've asked. Have you met my brother?"

You sense the soldier is grinning underneath his mask. "INDEED. ANGEL WAS HIS NAME."

"What are your thoughts about him?" Knowing your brother, you're shocked this guy doesn't have a hole punched in his chest. "I'm curious, that's all."

"HE'S VERY EAGER TO PROVE HIMSELF. ALL WE HAD TO DO WAS TO TELL HIM HE WAS FIGHTING ANOMALIES, AND HE AGREED!" The soldier starts scratching again; this time he's trying to scratch his exposed bone. "HE KILLED TWO TARGETS, WITH SOME CONSIDERABLE STRUGGLE, OF COURSE."

"HE STILL DID THE JOB, AND WE REWARDED HIM WITH A BETTER SHOTGUN THAN THE ONE HE HAD. THAT, AND A FANCY GAS MASK, JUST IN CASE."

"Oh? Is it possible I could get a fashionable gas mask too?" You might as well ask, why not? "Actually, while we're on that topic, could I possibly get a permit to Layer 4 if I accept the third contract?"

The soldier nods again. "IF YOU ACCEPT THE THIRD CONTRACT, WE WILL THROW IN A PERMIT TO LAYER 4 AND A GAS MASK FOR FREE."

"IS THAT ALL, SIR?"

File: EVERYTHINGRETURNSTOMOLD.jpg (176 KB, 640x850)

"I said my piece. I'll accept all three contracts." You're feeling bold today.

You already finished your contract with ExTINCTION CORP, so you don't need to harvest any more samples from yourself. All you'd need to do is to prepare a few WINE-SOAKED SANDWICH, and Contract #1 should be a breeze, and you've got time to prepare for the others.

The soldier eagerly watches as you scribble down your signature, legally binding you to these three contracts. He rolls up the slip of paper and stuffs it right back into his pocket. "I MUST RELY THIS INFORMATION TO MY SERGEANT IMMEDIATELY."

"God speed." You salute the soldier. The soldier instinctually salutes back.

For a moment, the two of you stare at each other, as if an unspoken agreement were made between the two of you. Despite the fact the two of you are complete strangers, you can feel a certain bond forming between the two of you. All it took was this one simple gesture of respect.

There's a glint of respect visible in the soldier's eyes. "DON'T DIE." The soldier mutters as he takes his leave.

>You have signed all three contracts! Remember, #1 has to be completed TODAY.

You drag in the lights left outside your lab before closing the front door. You check to see how your associates are handling everything.

Your coworkers are all staring at you from the other side of the room, with varying levels of worry and confusion on their expressions. Venti, of course, is the first one to break the silence.

"Who was that, Vincey?"

"Some weird soldier guy. He offered me a bunch of contracts, and long story short, we're killing something later today."

"oh my god vincent." Ashton smacks both hands over her face. "you cannot be serious. i- you know what, i should've expected it. at least i'm here to help."

"Isn't that a good thing, Ashton? That he's a hard, loyal worker who's willing to do whatever it takes?" Despite how cheery her voice is, Nicole's smile rings especially hollow. "Ha ha! You're very funny, Vincent!"

"We have to respect Vincey's decision! I'm sure he had a good reason!" Venti puffs her chest out for emphasis. "Hmpf! It's like you don't even like him like I do!"

"What?" "huh?"

"I- I don't get what that's supposed to mean? He's a coworker I like?" Venti's odd comment somehow knocked off Nicole's smile. "I just don't trust the guy he was talking to!"

Ashton doesn't even bother prying into Venti's statement. "don't we have some cloth sample to study? let's focus on that for now, okay?"

"Oh, right!" You reconvene with everyone else so you can, you know, actually research the sample.

>2 SUCCESSES!

"Vincey~! You should probably check this out~!"

It takes Venti a grand total of thirty seconds to find something anomalously useful about the CLOTH SAMPLE. She stuffs your face into the microscope so you can actually see what's...oh my god.

It's mold.

No, no, you can be more descriptive than that. Let's try that again.

File: AMOLDSFAVORITEFOOD.jpg (23 KB, 800x416)

Examining the sample under the microscope shows, at first blush, nothing particularly out of the ordinary.

It's a piece of old, half-rotten cloth...except there's a thin sheen of something organic coating the fibers of the sample. Prodding at it reveals that it is soft and squishy in a way that immediately reminds you of the CIGARETTE MOLD samples you grow.

'course, this mold is nearly undetectable thanks to being completely translucent, but you at least know it's here now!

You pass this information to Nicole and Ashton so you can fish ideas out of them. Ashton's the first to speak up after she finishes nursing her headache with a can of free vending machine beer.

"i think i vaguely recall something about this sample being regenerative? colt wrote down a note or something but i could hardly read his chicken scratch."

"try damaging the sample, let's see what happens."

"Venti, mind doing the honors?"

"MMH HMM~!" Okay she really didn't need to sound that excited. It's just a routine test. Venti takes a freshly cleaned scalpel, and, thankfully, she makes a perfectly clean cut.

You watch as, after only a few seconds pass, the slime mold on the two halves begins to rapidly expand. They grow in the direction of the other half, clearly trying to connect to each other. The CLOTH MOLD (name pending) quickly yanks both halves of the denim back together before knitting it back together with its own mass.

The sample has healed. Nicole's eyes are sparkling like the midnight sky once she's made aware of what, exactly, just happened. You step out of the way so she can do her magic. Venti whispers to Nicole about what to do. At least you think that's what she's doing? The pink-haired aberration mixes up chemical slurry after chemical slurry in an attempt to 'refine' the mold.

Ashton chimes in again before the two can get too lost in the sauce. "wait, if it's mold, can't we just use the same thing we used on vincent's mold?

"Huh?" "Bwuh?"

"t-the mints? the mints with the sugar alcohol that mold seems to like?"

Venti and Nicole blankly stare at the Harvester. It's clear that they did not consider that for a single moment. Nicole scrambles to get one of the mints while Venti keeps an eye on the cloth sample.

A variety of chemical slurries, made by your trusted coworkers, were tested on the mold to see if they could be used to isolate the mold's regenerative property. After a few misfires, a dark purple gel is extracted from the mold covering the pieces of cloth.

You cut a hole into your sleeve with something sharp, so you have something you can actually experiment on. Venti carefully dabs the dark gel on the sleeve to see if it'll work.

Unlike the pure, unadulterated mold, it takes a lot longer to stitch the hole shut. The good news, though, is that it still heals the damage done without leaving any trace of the substance behind.

A quick examination underneath your microscope shows that there's no trace of anything on your sleeve.

You cut your sleeve again and while this time, it takes a little more effort to leave a cut, the cut doesn't seal on its own. Another reapplication of the gel is enough to patch your labcoat back up. So you'll have to pick using the mold, which may have unintended side effects, or a one time use gel.
>-2 CLOTH SCRAPS
>REPAIR GEL x2 OBTAINED! (A proof of concept. Can be used to heal seals, cuts and tears in objects. Can be improved upon.)

In the corner of your eye, you see something opening up your front door. A certain MAN is sneaking towards NOWHERE'S SOMMELIER's cell, just like you asked him a few hours ago.

What do you want to do, Vincent? Choose three actions.

TIME TOKENS: 10
EXPERIMENTS LEFT TO PERFORM TODAY: 2 (Can be progressed by working on SOMMELIER or HARD TIMES)

ANOMALY (All are 1d2-1 TIME TOKENS)
>Enter NOWHERE'S SOMMELIER's containment cell. You want to be there for her, just in case.
>Enter HARD TIMES' containment cell. Couldn't hurt to learn more about it. You have a certain 'connection' with it.
>Enter LOST SINCE 199X's containment cell. Time to treat this hormonal punk.

RESEARCH
>It couldn't hurt to experiment on your ARTIFACT GIFTS. Especially SLUMBERING WISH, you want to know what new properties it got after its change. (-1d2 TIME TOKENS.)
>Experiment with ESTABLISHING SHOT! You already know what it does, but how far can you push it? (-1 TIME TOKEN, DC 56, +21 to roll.)
>You have this weird, anomalous egg that can copy things. Try to copy the ACCUMULATED PAST item you bought, maybe you can use it to improve your mechanical anomalies? (-1 TIME TOKEN, DC 6?, +??? to roll.)
>Well, you got these treats from LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE. Study them to see if they're safe to consume. (+1 TIME TOKEN, but...?)
>Start refining the REPAIR GEL, and the other CLOTH SAMPLES. What else can you make with them? (-1d2 TIME TOKENS. No DC.)
>You're fresh out of OBSCURA GEL. Try to research easier, quicker ways of making it. Maybe experiment with different types of wine? (-1 TIME TOKEN, DC 65, +15 to roll.)
>Try to figure out new, interesting ways to reinvent the PERFECT MEAL samples. (-1 TIME TOKEN)

BUSY WORK
>Try to figure a way to make the SPARKLING MOLD, uh, palatable. (-1d2 TIME TOKENS.)
>Put on your M.A.D WORLD glasses and hunt down some antimemetic moths to study! (-1 TIME TOKEN, DC 63, +19 to roll.)
>You have some old MARTIAL ARTS TAPES you bought a while ago. Some training wouldn't hurt. (-1 TIME TOKEN, improves everyone's combat abilities!)
>Look up anything related to "P-CORPORATION" and "WORKER PRODUCTIVITY PASTE" on ABNOWATCH. (-1 TIME TOKEN, reduces the DC of studying GREY PASTE by -15! Would be useful in the future.)
>Cobble something together out of the random electronic scrap and junk you have. Try to make something USEFUL outta them. (-1 TIME TOKEN, no DC needed thanks to your assistants.)

>Write in.

>>6395879
Well, anon, you'll get a good chunk of (mostly) daily updates out of me for a few months!

>>6395902
>Enter NOWHERE'S SOMMELIER's containment cell. You want to be there for her, just in case.

>Enter HARD TIMES' containment cell. Couldn't hurt to learn more about it. You have a certain 'connection' with it.

>Well, you got these treats from LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE. Study them to see if they're safe to consume. (+1 TIME TOKEN, but...?)

File: Colt o7.png (116 KB, 467x500)

>>6395902
>Enter LOST SINCE 199X's containment cell. Time to treat this hormonal punk.
>Try to figure a way to make the SPARKLING MOLD, uh, palatable. (-1d2 TIME TOKENS.)
>You have some old MARTIAL ARTS TAPES you bought a while ago. Some training wouldn't hurt. (-1 TIME TOKEN, improves everyone's combat abilities!)

>>6395636
Lock in on Vincent enduring the anime watching sessions. Doodling soonish.

>>6395894
>MEN LIKE YOU ARE BORN TO PLAY THE ULTIMATE GAME, HE SAID."
>"And that game is?"
>"WAR, SIR."
This whole exchange reminded me of Judge Holden.
>>6395902
>Enter NOWHERE'S SOMMELIER's containment cell. You want to be there for her, just in case.
>Enter HARD TIMES' containment cell. Couldn't hurt to learn more about it. You have a certain 'connection' with it.
>You have some old MARTIAL ARTS TAPES you bought a while ago. Some training wouldn't hurt. (-1 TIME TOKEN, improves everyone's combat abilities!)

>>6395902
>Look up anything related to "P-CORPORATION" and "WORKER PRODUCTIVITY PASTE" on ABNOWATCH. (-1 TIME TOKEN, reduces the DC of studying GREY PASTE by -15! Would be useful in the future.)
Enter HARD TIMES' containment cell. Couldn't hurt to learn more about it. You have a certain 'connection' with it.
>Well, you got these treats from LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE. Study them to see if they're safe to consume. (+1 TIME TOKEN, but...?)

I want to give the man and Nowhere's Sommelier some time alone

>>6395902
>Enter HARD TIMES' containment cell. Couldn't hurt to learn more about it. You have a certain 'connection' with it.
Not ready for treating 199X yet. I want to give our bro his space with wine girl
>You're fresh out of OBSCURA GEL. Try to research easier, quicker ways of making it. Maybe experiment with different types of wine? (-1 TIME TOKEN, DC 65, +15 to roll.)
Another big source of money and the Medbays will love us for this. Let's experiment while we have the people good at it here
>Well, you got these treats from LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE. Study them to see if they're safe to consume. (+1 TIME TOKEN, but...?)
Learning more about this bitch

>>6395902
>Try to figure a way to make the SPARKLING MOLD, uh, palatable. (-1d2 TIME TOKENS.)
>Write in: Research a new type of mold using the black bile.
There's still so much mold work to do. Testing other anomalous samples, isolating the enzyme, isolating the cherry flavor, etc. Gotta start somewhere though.
>Well, you got these treats from LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE. Study them to see if they're safe to consume. (+1 TIME TOKEN, but...?)
Mainly because I want to avoid being impolite by not honoring her treats. Healing item production and visiting our anomalies would be next on my list.

>>6395902
Changing vote from >>6396071
>OBSCURA GEL
to >>6396075's
>Write in: Research a new type of mold using the black bile.
We need MORE MOLD
How can Vincent be The Moldman (patent pending) if we don't force the QM to come up with possible mold variants of all the mystery anomalous material we end up with?

>>6395902
>Enter HARD TIMES' containment cell.
>Look up anything related to "P-CORPORATION" and "WORKER PRODUCTIVITY PASTE" on ABNOWATCH.
>Well, you got these treats from LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE.

>>6395902

>Write in.
I believe we were recording some of Little Miss Sunshine's words on a flower. My thought was whether those words would have any power if played back and to what extent. Then theres the nature of the flower where we might be able to feed it a battery as well. And as a third idea, if we wear our MAD glasses would we see any telepathic influence as an aura in the air or around someone? Could be very handy for finding the weird mental anomaly source of that #3 Contract.

THEN a fourth possible experiment, mentral protection flower or no mental protection flower.

Rolled 3 (1d5)

SOMMELIER: 2vN, yqz
HARD TIMES: 2vN, yqz, T91, rw4, /1A
SUNSHINE: 2vN
LOST: K+b
SPARKLING MOLD: K+b, OBh
MARTIAL ARTS: K+b, yqz
P-CORP: T91, /1A
TREATS: T91, rw4, OBh, /1a
BILE MOLD: OBh, rw4
o+8's write ins: Guess.

Only TREATS and HARD TIMES got a solid majority, and we got a massive five way tie otherwise. Feh. Alright, rolling 1d5. Let's see what we're doing for the last one.

1 = SOMMELIER
2 = SPARKLING MOLD
3 = MARTIAL ARTS
4 = P-CORP
5 = BILE MOLD (Will actually need a skill check)

Whatever it is, as long as it's not BILE MOLD, I'll start writing the update immediately. It should be shorter since you'll probably go into HARD TIMES' containment cell first thing.

>>6396143
I like the general ideas but the flowers you made, and brought into LMS's cell, were made strictly for mental protection instead of recording anything. You can record something next work action.
So I'd say the 'feeding the battery" and 'MAD WORLD glasses" actions would be viable, but the first one wouldn't.

>>6396158
Ah yeah you right, the vote for it went a different way in the rolloff last thread. Next time then.

Is it truly wise to teach Venti martial arts?

>>6396168
She already knows how to pin down Vincent

File: SMOGG.jpg (643 KB, 1715x969)

"Alright." You turn to address your non-Venti coworkers. "I'm going to let you guys take a break. That last work order was, uh, yeah. The less we talk about it, the better."

"ditto." Ashton grumbles. "never been a cat person. they're too strin- they're too standoffish. i always liked dogs better."

"I've always been a fan of deer!" Nicole draws her knife from her holster. The jagged, sharp antler growing from the hilt faintly shimmers in the dim glow of your lab. "I don't know why. I've always been drawn to them."

"deer are fine, but like, c'mon. crocodiles are cooler. alligators are cooler." Ashton rolls her eyes with a knowing smirk. "i guess moths are fine too, if we want to talk about other animals."

"...Not to interrupt this thrilling conversation, but Venti, you're coming with me. We're going to work on HARD TIMES."

Venti immediately gravitates to your side like you're the world's strongest magnet. She nearly crashes right into you, but an outstretched hand is enough to keep her back.

"It's that really big, mean nasty machine that keeps hurting you, right? Is that right, Vincey~?"

"Yes, but I can't name a single anomaly that hasn't harmed me. Point is, you're good with machines."

"Mmh hmm! I still got my handy toolbox!" Venti gives her trademark Venti Vantastic Vmirk, a 'smirk' that immediately sends a shiver down your spine. "Alright! Let's get going before the others get any ideas, okay~?"

You have no clue what she's trying to imply there. "Take care, guys. Feel free to do whatever you want while I'm gone."

"mmh hmm." Ashton taps Nicole on the shoulder. "i have something i have to talk to nick about."

"Oh?" Nicole scoots over, ready to whisper about whatever Ashton wants to talk about. You're not going to pry; it's probably personal stuff you wouldn't know anything about.

You escort Venti over to HARD TIMES' airlock, where you have a whole bunch of protective suits and heat-resistant equipment ready. You'd imagine that the containment cell is still scorching hot, so you make sure to layer on enough layers of heat-proof fabric to protect yourself.

You rather not have your skin melt off your bones. Even with Venti's (more than eager) help, putting on enough layers to safely work on HARD TIMES is always going to be very time consuming. By the time you're done, it's impossible to tell that the person standing next to you is Venti.

Venti struggles to raise her arm, but she manages to give you a thumbs up. "Ready, Vincey~?" Wow, her voice is a lot more tolerable when it's muffled.

"Mmh." You pick up a BLOOD BUCKET with one hand. "Let's get moving." The airlock groans as it opens. You shuffle inside as fast as your bloated PPE allows you to, with Venti eagerly trailing behind.

https://youtu.be/QdxIOXdx2mc - ALL'S WELL

You can't see shit. The whole room is blanketed in a suffocatingly thick black smog. Maybe if you squint, you can imagine you can still see your hands, but that's wishful thinking.

File: MACHINE.jpg (63 KB, 640x427)

You feel Venti's arm wrapping around your shoulder. You grimace at her touch, but just this one, you'll tolerate it.

"Vincey?" Her voice is quieter than it was before. "Is this normal? It wasn't like this when I checked on it earlier..."

"I. I don't know." You answer as honestly as you can. The two of you take your sweet time as you move towards the machine. The last thing you want to happen is for either of you to end up mulched by the machine. "At least it's not attacking us."

"There's a light there, at least! Haha!" Venti forces out a laugh, but it rings hollow. Luckily, thanks to your containment cell's smaller size, it's not long before you're in front of the machine. The smog around the machine is marginally lighter than it was before, which allows you to make out the lights.

None of them are on, but the bottommost light briefly flickers for about a second before showing no signs of activity. So that won't be an issue for a while now, if your knowledge of the anomaly is right.

Venti stares up at the machine. You can't see her face, but you sense something is bothering her. While you don't like her, you don't want her to die. Not yet, at least. "Is something wrong?"

"...Why do I hear your voice coming out of it?" In any other context, Venti's comment would've been completely deranged. She seems to realize this, and she hastily clears her throat. "I know it's not your voice, Vincey; I'm not dumb. I know what YOU sound like."

"It's...it's hard to put into words. I know anomalies can speak to you. They get into your head and pull at your brain, stuff like that." Venti taps her finger against the soot-covered surface of the machine. "It usually doesn't sound like someone you know, though."

"I know what you're saying. It sounds insane, yes, but I heard that voice before too. I guess it's the only way the machine can really 'talk'."

"Maybe." Venti shrugs. "I wonder what that says about the machine?"

"The Vincey I know is more than some pile of scrap and junk! Your blood vessels are plump and perfect, you know!" Her voice regains some of its energy back. "Sorry, sorry, just speaking out loud."

The humming of mechanical parts moving in rhythm hangs in the soot-caked air. It is almost comforting now that you noticed it. It's a slow, almost melodious noise that makes you wonder something. Can a machine like this sleep? Or dream, even? Is that even applicable to an anomaly like this?

Does it even DESERVE that? You deserve it more than this damn machine! You're the one who deserves rest!

For a brief second, a tidal wave of hideous rage floods your body. Your fingernails dig into the palm of your hand as you tighten your fists.

It's gone before you even have time to process why you're angry to begin with.

>INSIGHT HINT UNLOCKED: WORKER'S RIGHTS! (ARMOR)

"Vincey? Are you...okay?" Venti squeezes your shoulder. "You're not looking so hot. I mean, not that you're ugly! You're handsome! I mean...do you need a break?"

"I'm fine." You mutter, not having enough energy to even comment on her weird comment.

----
INSIGHT HINTS: SAME AS IT EVER WAS (ARMOR)/WORKER'S RIGHTS (ARMOR)/??? (WEAPON)
>WORKER'S RIGHT DESCRIPTION: You're more than just a wageslave. You matter as a person, right? You have to PROVE it to this machine.
>SAME AS IT EVER WAS DESCRIPTION: How different are you two, really, in the grand scheme? What's your life without work? You keep burdening yourself with work for a reason...right?
----

HARD TIMES MOOD: 100/100 (Be careful. Raising it past 100 may have consequences. Aggravating the machine would be a good idea right now.)
LIGHTS: 0.1/5

What do you want to do with HARD TIMES? Choose four actions, Venti is going to help out a lot!

COMMUNICATION:
>Address the elephant in the room: Why does it have your voice? Why does it SOUND like you? What's its deal? (DC 70, +20 to roll)
>Ask it about JOYTECHS. What is it thoughts on the company who made it, or the people that worked for it?
>Try to relate with the anomaly. You know what it's like to be on that GRINDSET. (DC ???, +?? with ???.)
>You got something you want to vent out: Why does it think you being a wageslave is GOOD? You're real curious.

EXAMINATION
>Examine the 'BLOOD SOUP' and 'BLOOD FUEL' slots. Try to figure out why the anomaly likes blood so much. (DC 63, +13 to roll.)
>Check out its internals. There has to be a panel in here that'll show you them. (DC 65, +13 to roll.)
>Look for any traces, hints or notes that could explain what the machine's function and purpose is actually supposed to be. It couldn't hurt to try?
>Investigate the row of lights on the side of the machine. Is it a warning? Is it a message? What's up with this? (DC 61, +13 to roll.)

STIMULI/MISC
>Examine HARD TIMES with MAD WORLD. Does a machine like this even HAVE an aura?
>You know what? Vent out some anger. Try to damage the machine, you want to see how it'll respond. (Should keep its MOOD at a reasonable level.)
>Introduce another machine to it; your ROOMBA. How does it feel about its fellow brethren of steel?
>Feed the machine what it wants: BLOOD (-1 of 3 BLOOD BUCKETS. Should appease its desire for fuel for a while.)
>Feed the machine what it truly wants: FRESH BLOOD. (-PHYSICAL HEALTH from you and Venti. You'll be rewarded for your sacrifice.)
>Try to doll up the machine with some paint. A little bit of pazazz to make it look and feel better. ("Can we do this one, Vincey~?)
>You're contractually obligated to do this. Modify the machine with EVE'S stock. (DC 66, +15 to roll. After this, you'll only have one more experiment to do.)

>Write in?

----

>>6396168
Venti already has explosives, she's already dangerous. Trust me.

>>6396177
True! Don't give her an excuse to try, for your own safety.

>>6395925
Colt doesn't like admitting he's into certain kinds of women, we can't really judge him for that.

>>6395927
I love all of my anomalous freaks. I hope you guys are ready for your sixth and/or seventh one tomorrow.

>>6396237
>Address the elephant in the room: Why does it have your voice? Why does it SOUND like you? What's its deal? (DC 70, +20 to roll)

>Check out its internals. There has to be a panel in here that'll show you them. (DC 65, +13 to roll.)

>Investigate the row of lights on the side of the machine. Is it a warning? Is it a message? What's up with this? (DC 61, +13 to roll.)

>You're contractually obligated to do this. Modify the machine with EVE'S stock. (DC 66, +15 to roll. After this, you'll only have one more experiment to do.)

IM ROOOOOOOLLLLLING

>>6396237
>Investigate the row of lights on the side of the machine. Is it a warning? Is it a message? What's up with this? (DC 61, +13 to roll.)

>Examine HARD TIMES with MAD WORLD. Does a machine like this even HAVE an aura?

>Try to doll up the machine with some paint. A little bit of pazazz to make it look and feel better. ("Can we do this one, Vincey~?)

>You're contractually obligated to do this. Modify the machine with EVE'S stock. (DC 66, +15 to roll. After this, you'll only have one more experiment to do.)

File: song sand bord.png (68 KB, 469x441)

>>6396237
>Address the elephant in the room: Why does it have your voice? Why does it SOUND like you? What's its deal? (DC 70, +20 to roll

>Try to doll up the machine with some paint. A little bit of pazazz to make it look and feel better. ("Can we do this one, Vincey~?)

>Investigate the row of lights on the side of the machine. Is it a warning? Is it a message? What's up with this? (DC 61, +13 to roll.)

>You're contractually obligated to do this. Modify the machine with EVE'S stock. (DC 66, +15 to roll. After this, you'll only have one more experiment to do.)

>>6396237
>>You got something you want to vent out: Why does it think you being a wageslave is GOOD? You're real curious.

>Investigate the row of lights on the side of the machine. Is it a warning? Is it a message? What's up with this? (DC 61, +13 to roll.)

>You're contractually obligated to do this. Modify the machine with EVE'S stock. (DC 66, +15 to roll. After this, you'll only have one more experiment to do.)

>Introduce another machine to it; your ROOMBA. How does it feel about its fellow brethren of steel?

>>6396253
+1

>>6396237
>You're contractually obligated to do this. Modify the machine with EVE'S stock. (DC 66, +15 to roll. After this, you'll only have one more experiment to do.)
>You know what? Vent out some anger. Try to damage the machine, you want to see how it'll respond. (Should keep its MOOD at a reasonable level.)
>Address the elephant in the room: Why does it have your voice? Why does it SOUND like you? What's its deal? (DC 70, +20 to roll)
>Investigate the row of lights on the side of the machine. Is it a warning? Is it a message? What's up with this? (DC 61, +13 to roll.)

>>6396237
>Address the elephant in the room: Why does it have your voice? Why does it SOUND like you? What's its deal? (DC 70, +20 to roll)
>Examine HARD TIMES with MAD WORLD. Does a machine like this even HAVE an aura?
>You're contractually obligated to do this. Modify the machine with EVE'S stock. (DC 66, +15 to roll. After this, you'll only have one more experiment to do.)
>You know what? Vent out some anger. Try to damage the machine, you want to see how it'll respond. (Should keep its MOOD at a reasonable level.)

>>6396253
+1

>>6396158
Oh no. There goes the dream of training martial arts with Hidaka-kun. ૮(˶ㅠ︿ㅠ)ა

>>6396237
>Address the elephant in the room: Why does it have your voice? Why does it SOUND like you? What's its deal? (DC 70, +20 to roll)
>Ask it about JOYTECHS. What is it thoughts on the company who made it, or the people that worked for it?
>You're contractually obligated to do this. Modify the machine with EVE'S stock. (DC 66, +15 to roll. After this, you'll only have one more experiment to do.)
If asking about JOYTECH and installing cheap stuff from EVE is not enough to lower it's mood, we might have to come back later and do some actual damage.

>>6396378
We will buy more tapes and then invite Hidaka over, believe it. I suppose we should also buy some dojo outfits. I wonder if 199X would want to watch Karate Kid?

Welp. We're doing four skill checks it seems. I'm going to need four anons to roll 3d100, and I'll just add the modifiers later since otherwise it'd be a nightmare to keep track of. I'll assign the 3d100s in sequential order (first goes to CONTRACTUALLY, etc)

Here's the tables. You sick bastards. (If you somehow get two results that both give an INSIGHT HINT, let's say you'll get a different bonus after an update or two)

CONTRACTUALLY (DC 66, +15 to roll)
0 SUCCESSES?: Fool it three times... (---ANOMALY MOOD. Venti will take a LOT of physical damage on your behalf.)
1 SUCCESS: You think the machine feels pity for your subpar performance. You say you think, because- (--ANOMALY MOOD. Venti will take a small amount of damage on your behalf.)
2 SUCCESSES: You did an actually good job for once. That's all you need to do, Vincent. That's all you need to do. (The machine rewards you with some samples!)
3 SUCCESSES?: Bile burns inside of your throat. Blood runs down your lips. The machine is pleased at your work. (+ANOMALY MOOD! MOOD OVERLOAD may occur. You'll unlock the third, and final, INSIGHT HINT.)

ELEPHANT (DC 70, +20 to roll)
0 SUCCESSES: What did you expect? You feel like you wasted your time even asking this question. (-MENTAL HEALTH?)
1 SUCCESS: The machine stirs to life as it processes your question, but... (You're not sure what kind of answer it's going to give. At least it acknowledged it?)
2 SUCCESSES: A fragment of a voice bounces around inside your head. (You get a vague, wishy washy answer but at least you're guaranteed to get AN answer.)
3 SUCCESSES: Why do you have my voice? (+???. +INSIGHT HINT. +???. -???)

LIGHTS (DC 61, +13 to roll)
0 SUCCESSES: The machine is REAL sensitive about these lights. Good thing to know, at least? (-ANOMALY MOOD. Your work here is cut incredibly short thanks to the anomaly's incoming tantrum.)
1 SUCCESS: A light is a light is a light. You understand their strict function, but... (...nothing about WHY the anomaly uses them for communication.)
2 SUCCESSES: Ah, so that's how it works. Gotcha. (You get a basic understanding on the LIGHTS mechanic, and how to better manage it. Good for you.)
3 SUCCESSES: Wait, hold on. There's a whole bunch of wires connected to these lights, you wonder where they lead to. (You uncover a very, very concerning property of the anomaly. You at least know how to work around it now.)

INTERNALS (DC 65, +13 to roll)
0 SUCCESSES: You have no fucking idea what you're looking at, or what you're doing! HAA! (--ANOMALY MOOD, your head is seething now...)
1 SUCCESS: With Venti's help, you think you've managed to map out a very rough layout of the machine. (-ANOMALY MOOD, but future skill checks with the anomaly are reduced by 1!)
2 SUCCESSES: Your dad used to work on cars. This isn't THAT different, right...? (Future DCs on HARD TIMES are reduced by 2, you get some more clarification on a INSIGHT hint.)
3 SUCCESSES?: Wait, what's that? (+!!!)

Rolled 27, 74, 72 = 173 (3d100)

>>6396597
YOOOOOOOOOOO

Rolled 11, 70, 8 = 89 (3d100)

>>6396597