After walking through the wasteland all day, you reach an old shack just before sundown. This must be your new home!
Inside the shack you find an old unpolished hoe with a rough wooden handle hanging on the wall. It's your first real possession, so you'd better treat it right!
EQUIPPED: OLD HOE
On the other side of the shack is a bed.
*klump*
You hear a noise outside.
When you go outside and look around the back side of your shack, you don't see anything, but then you notice something sneaking up behind you!
It's a huge, feral onion with an expressive face. It's a very hungry expression.
Suddenly the Hungry Onion hops toward you and sinks its fangs into your boot!
You're glad this isn't the kind of game that tracks equipment durability.
Unfortunately for you, this is the kind of game that tracks PC durability.
You kick your foot out with the Hungry Onion still attached and then fall backward and drag yourself out of your boot as the Hungry Onion keeps chewing.
The Hungry Onion stops chewing on your boot and looks up at you and then leaps toward you! You grab the hoe with both hands just in time and the Hungry Onion bites the handle in front of your face!
You roll over and stand up and then swing your hoe blade-first into the Hungry Onion.
*chok*
The Hungry Onion stops moving and its eyes roll back with the hoe blade stuck into its side. After your breathing slows down, you look around and see your boot. You hop back toward your boot and put it back on, then look back at the Hungry Onion with your hoe stuck in its side.
You wiggle the blade loose and then hit it again just to make sure it's dead.
*klink*
It sounds like you hit something... metal?
You wedge the blade back into the gap and pry the Hungry Onion open with a crisp wet snap. Embedded in the center, something glitters yellow in the setting sunlight.
You reach your hand in and pull out a small lump of gold!
With the promise of riches and more, you raise your hoe and swing it downward like a club at the closest Hungry Onion!
*chok*
The blade embeds itself in the Hungry Onion and it tilts to the side as its eyes roll up!
But the blade of your hoe is embedded in the dead Hungry Onion...
Another of the Hungry Onions bounces over the embedded hoe and hops along the handle! Before you can duck out of the way, it leaps off the handle and bites you in the shoulder! The Hungry Onion's fangs sink in deeper as its jaws close and then the third Hungry Onion bites you in the leg!
You finally tear the second Hungry Onion off your shoulder and fling it away and then stumble backward with the weight of the third Hungry Onion chewing your leg. As you crawl, you grab the dead Hungry Onion and look up at the handle of your hoe. Your hand reaches out and grabs for it and then you finally grab hold and pull on it but it's still embedded in the dead Hungry Onion!
The hoe finally comes loose and you accidentally swing it all the way around toward your leg!
*chok*
Luckily, you hit the Hungry Onion and not your leg!
Your vision is starting to get blurry...
Using the hoe as a crutch, you can just barely pull yourself back upright.
*klump*
The last Hungry Onion hops over the body of the second dead Hungry Onion and hops toward you!
*klump*
You turn around and hobble back toward the door of your shack as fast as you can!
*klump*
The Hungry Onion is gaining on you!
*klump*
You grab the door and fling it open and fall inside and kick it shut!
*klump*
*klump*
*klump*
After a while you can't hear the Hungry Onion anymore. You pull yourself up and cautiously look out the door. When you see the two dead Hungry Onions, you think about the gold inside them and step out into the open just as something flaps overhead!
A big crow with a sneering expression lands on one of the dead Hungry Onions and pecks it to pieces until it finds the gold inside!
*flap flap*
Another Smart Crow lands on the other dead Hungry Onion and pecks it apart for the gold and then the two Smart Crows look back toward you in the doorway!
You slam the door as hard as you can and wait until they're gone.
When they finally fly off, you look out the window and then sit back down on the floor and take a deep breath.
Somehow, you survived!
Your vision gets blurry again and you crawl across the floor toward the bed.
It's already light out when you wake up. You can hear someone calling from outside the shack. Miraculously, your wounds seem to be fully healed.
You look out the window and see the first Hungry Onion that you killed yesterday. When you open the door, you see a man on a horse-drawn cart.
"Oh, there really is someone here!" The man on the cart waves again and climbs down. "I heard someone had taken over this farm. My name is York. I sell farm tools." York looks down at the dead Hungry Onion. "I also buy crops. I'll give you 1g for this Hungry Onion."
That would double your wealth... but you also haven't eaten for a few days.
>>6420515 >Sell Crops And if possible >Sell hoe Then let's use the gold to buy something better to defend ourselves with? >Buy scythe? Sickle? Greatsword? Something that won't get stuck in an onion and can keep us safe. Then when York leaves we go hunting for another onion or anything else edible, this place is crawling with monsters.
Even knowing that it tried to eat you, the allure of the Hungry Onion is too much. You grab it before York can pick it up and then take a bite. It crunches in your mouth just like a regular onion.
"I'm afraid I don't have any weapons." York pulls back a sheet and shows you a row of hoes. "Care to take a look at my wares?"
"Hmm..." York inspects your old hoe. "I'll give you 5g for this old hoe."
You look at the single lump of gold in your hand and shake your head. Even if you sold your hoe, you wouldn't have enough to buy a nicer one.
"Not enough gold, eh?" York climbs back up onto the cart. "Well, no matter. I'm heading back to the village of Glynton. You're welcome to come with, if you like. It's a day's walk, but we can be there in an hour."
>Tend field >Visit town
00
AnonymousID:a5hTEaP/05/30/26(Sat)23:55:56
>>6420555 >Tend field Welp, we ain't much of a farmer without a field.
00
AnonymousID:6zjPfenI05/31/26(Sun)00:02:00
>>6420555 >Tend field We don't even have enough gold to buy anything even if we do go to town...
"See you around." York cracks the reins and his horse trots away from your shack.
After the dust settles, you look out at the wasteland and then put your hoe over your shoulder and walk toward the roughest part while you eat the rest of the Hungry Onion.
With your hunger sated, you work the rest of the day turning the field with your old hoe. After working all day, the field is starting to look more improved. You stand up and stretch your back...
That's when you notice something slowly sneaking up behind you. It's another Hungry Onion! You grip the handle of your hoe and swing it around and when it hits you can feel the Hungry Onion tilt sideways. You pull your hoe back out and look around and see another Hungry Onion hopping toward you down the row.
When it jumps into the air, you swing your hoe and chop it down in one hit. This time you pull the blade of your old hoe out with no struggle.
*flap flap*
Just as you finish pulling the clump of gold out of the second Hungry Onion, a Smart Crow flies overhead!
The Smart Crow flies in circles overhead. You turn and turn keeping an eye on it but then it dives toward you and pecks your pocket!
STOLE 1G!
You grip the handle so tightly the wood creaks under your hands and swing your hoe upward as the Smart Crow tries to fly away. The blade catches it in the back of the neck and it plunges back down into the barren soil.
The gold it stole tumbles out of its limp beak. As you retrieve your gold and wrench your hoe loose, you see something stuck inside its craw. It's a lump of gold just like the ones in the Hungry Onions, only twice as large!
With a quick look in your inventory, you already have 5g and two Hungry Onions. This was definitely a productive day. Arms loaded with Hungry Onions, you hurry across the field back toward your shack before any more Smart Crows show up.
Inside your shack, you just can't seem to get comfortable. No matter what you do, there's a breeze blowing on you from somewhere. Finally, you get out of bed and feel around under your bed where the breeze is coming from.
It feels like there's something under your bed.
You pull the bed away and find a trapdoor on the floor underneath where your bed was!
You lift up the trapdoor and look inside the pitch-black space but it's too dark to see anything.
Hoe in hand, you crawl down through the trapdoor into the darkness below your floorboards. At first you grope around until you feel a stone wall, then you follow it around an unexpected corner. After a minute, you realize this place is a lot bigger than a cellar.
*klump*
There's something moving around down here!
Suddenly you see a pale shape wobble across the stone floor toward the sound of your footsteps! With the handle gripped tightly, you swing your hoe at it with all your might!
*chif*
The blade scrapes against its surface and peels off a few layers but then the gnashing nightmare spins around and leaps out of the dark at you!
You fall back and land on the stone floor and crawl back to your feet and back up, looking all around for the Blind Onion.
It pops up right in front of you!
You fall backward and swing wildly and...
*klink*
You can't feel it moving! You pull your hoe's blade out of it and feel around and pull out a lump of metal that feels even larger than the one in the Smart Crow!
It's more wealth than you ever thought you'd hold. Something stirs in the darkness in front of you and you grip the hoe's handle tightly. Another noise moves behind you. It seems it's not safe to stand in one place here!
You tie the Blind Onion to your belt, along with your other produce, and reach out to feel the stone wall. It runs deeper under your field. The wall becomes a corner again, and then another corner turns you back. The thought occurs that this would be easier if you could see.
As you feel your way down the stone hallway, you begin to smell something ripe and sweet.
Suddenly a pulsing purple head drifts out of the darkness at eye level, and you hear the familiar shuffling sound of another Blind Onion following close behind!
Hoe in hand, you grip the handle and ready your swing, but then the Brainfruit's unfocused eyes swivel toward you and it whispers "Paralyze."
Your entire body numbs!
It's a struggle to even keep your hoe from falling to the unseen stone floor. You can't move your neck or head to see where the Blind Onion is. The pain of it biting into your leg is just as excruciating even while paralyzed.
In front of your face, the Brainfruit drifts forward closer and closer.
The sharp pain unlocks your paralyzed limbs just in time. The blade's weight is swinging as soon as you can find the strength, up in an arc and down crosswise with the valley between the pulsing brain lobes before it can chant Paralyze again.
*splot*
The hoe comes out easily from the Brainfruit's soft rind. The silent air reeks of its sweet cloying juice. Your breath is held in your throat, eyes desperately darting through the blackness in front of you.
The Blind Onion finds your wounded leg first.
The raw open flesh is torn further as its jaws close and open again, gnawing the moment it makes contact. With a shout of pain you swing your hoe against it over and over.
Its jaw finally begins to open. You sink to the stone floor and pry the Blind Onion's mouth apart enough to remove your leg, grimacing blindly all the while.
You feel yourself sway for a second. The Blind Onion. The lump of gold. Groping in the darkness, you find its shriveled leaves and carefully pry it open. The blade of your hoe scrapes against the gold inside. The Blind Onion is tied alongside the other.
The Brainfruit is easy to find. Inside its collapsed rind, a smaller lump of gold.
Weighing your hands in the dark, you've acquired 13g so far.
Your hoe clatters against the stone wall as you stumble backward away from the voice. A useless look around the blind blackness confirms nothing. You hopefully limp faster and faster.
Another Brainfruit drifts out of the darkness toward you.
"Para-"
Before it can finish speaking you hurry past, too terrified to risk your life for a lump of gold.
And then suddenly your groping free hand scratches against the old wooden ladder beneath the trapdoor.
As soon as you're free of the dark stone and up through the floorboards of your shack, you slam the trapdoor shut and shove your bed back over it, weighting down the trapdoor enough to ensure it stays closed.
At least, that's your hope.
Your sleep is fitful. You wake with a start, as the Blind Onions in your nightmares gnaw your bones.
The wound on your leg is vanished.
"Hello?"
Outside your window, the merchant from yesterday has come calling again.
When you step out of your door and into the morning light, York looks at the Blind Onions and Brainfruit still tied to your belt.
"Dungeon crops? Where did you... Well, never mind that. This is your lucky day! I'll pay you 4g per Blind Onion, and 5g per Brainfruit."
"Oh? Changed your mind, did you?" York reaches down a hand to help you up into the cart.
About an hour later, you see a stone wall encircling a collection of houses and buildings. York slows the wagon to a stop and waves as you climb down.
"I'll visit your farm again."
The wagon rolls past and you take in Glynton! After being alone for so long, it probably seems more impressive than it is.
The first building you see at the edge of town where York left you is the village inn. "Hello there!" The old man wipes his hands on his shirt. "I'm Gust, the innkeeper. It's 5g per night if you want to stay."
You aren't quite ready to call it a night.
"The wasteland is even more dangerous at night, you know."
Gust's advice, self-serving or not, makes you pause for a second and consider how long it will take to walk back to your shack on foot. If you leave right now, you might just make it by nightfall.
On the other hand, this is your first time in Glynton.
"Are you a farmer?" The voice comes from beneath the table in the inn's tavern. "Thud knows all about farms." A huge, musclebound man with a thick beard and flowing hair leans forward over the table. "I'll help out on your farm." He stands up to his full height. "10g per week."
It does seem like he'd be good at picking up rocks.
It might be nice to have some hired help, but before you spend any gold you still want to see what else Glynton has to offer.
There's a shop with a sign that looks like a question mark. Not wanting to appear uncultured, you confidently enter.
"Don't tell me, I know. You came in here... because you didn't know what kind of business this is." The portly man twitches his huge mustache and looks up at you from across the countertop. "I'm Hans, the scholar. People pay me to answer their questions." Hans seems to see the doubt in your expression. "I know the answer or your money back!" He twitches his mustache again. "100g per question."
That answers that question.
"Come back when you have the money and I'll tell you how to spend it!" Hans watches you leave his shop.
Outside, you look around at the other buildings and then you turn around and bump into a woman. "Oh!" She looks at your hoe "Are you a farmer? My name is Lily." She looks at the two Hungry Onions on your belt. "I'll buy your crops and sell you new seeds. How does 1g per Hungry Onion sound?"
I have to go to bed but if you guys discuss what you want to do, I'll pick this back up in a few hours!
00
AnonymousID:meHNgc4805/31/26(Sun)06:24:30
>>6420787 >Normal seeds: 10g leaving us with 17, I think we should save 5 for the inn and spend the rest on better equipment
00
Indonesian GentlemanID:glCvxhp305/31/26(Sun)06:25:09
>>6420787 Huh, looks like we can buy normal seeds and plant it topside, while we delve underroot.
>BUY 1 NORMAL SEED
00
AnonymousID:ZNppnTiw05/31/26(Sun)10:49:21
>>6420787 Yeah I think we actually should go all out here. 5g to spend the night, hire Thud for 10g, and buy normal seeds for 10g. With the seeds and a Barbarian, we will make a lot more money and can start really grooving...
"Really? You'll buy some seeds too?" Lily smiles as she hands you a small cloth pouch of seeds. "Please bring me more crops to sell! I'll pay you double the normal price next time."
You return to Gust's inn, where Thud is still sleeping over the tavern table. He wakes up with a snort and looks up at you and grins. "Thud knew you would choose him." When you give Thud the gold, he nods. "We will leave whenever you like."
Gust hurries over to the table. "You're still in town? Does that mean you'll be staying the night?" The old man's eyes light up when you hold up some more gold for him.
Lying in bed in your room at the inn, you look at the 2g that your fortune has shrunk to.
The next morning, you and Thud set out for your farm. Without a hoe of his own, Thud won't be able to do much else besides pick rocks. You'll have to get him a hoe of his own.
Just as the sun is starting to get low in the sky, you finally arrive back at your shack. From there, you and Thud walk up the edge of the field along the small strip you started working on yesterday.
You take out the pouch of seeds you got from Lily and plant them in the trench you dug yesterday.
With sundown approaching and your farming chores finished, you and Thud return to your shack.
*flap flap*
The tranquil encounter-free afternoon is shattered by the flapping wings of a Smart Crow flying overhead!
This time, you have a Barbarian on your side! You look over at Thud as Thud creeps backward toward the shack. "Thud is only being paid to farm."
It seems you incorrectly assumed Thud was the fearless kind of barbarian.
The thought had occurred to you that the Smart Crows might be smart enough to be bribed. With your remaining 2g, could it be possible to bribe it into cooperating with you?
>Fight >Run >Item
00
AnonymousID:Ze8KY69c05/31/26(Sun)19:50:23
>>6421052 >Item: 2g Our 2g isn't going to get us anything tangible anyway. Might as well see if this works.
Instead of putting up a fight, you toss one of the gold lumps up into the air. The Smart Crow immediately dips its beak and snatches the lump in midair and then flaps its wings to fly away.
Suddenly you call out and it catches sight of the last piece of gold in your hand. The Smart Crow nervously shifts the piece of gold in its beak around but it doesn't have room to carry two pieces at once.
When you look around, you can see the Smart Crow came from a grove of trees on the horizon. The Smart Crow looks at you and then follows as it keeps its eye on the gold piece in your hand. You and Thud and the Smart Crow follow each other toward the grove of trees.
*flap flap*
A huge crow with a gold beak flaps down and lands in front of you. The King Crow tilts its head away and looks at you sideways and then it takes a surprised step back as you kneel down and toss the last piece of gold at it.
The King Crow catches the piece of gold in its beak and then listens silently as you explain how you're finding it difficult to to farm with regular monster attacks. At the offer of a peace agreement, the King Crow nods and caws, but then it suddenly steps back and forth in front of you, posturing for a fight!
Before you can ready your hoe, the King Crow lunges forward, pecking you in the chest! The King Crow climbs onto your toppled form, standing on your legs as it raises its beak again!
"Thud hasn't gotten an advance on next week's pay!"
You grit your teeth and grip your hoe and swing it against the King Crow's head to knock it sideways. As you struggle to your feet, the King Crow flaps its wings and takes flight, circling around and slamming into your back.
You tumble forward and the King Crow soars past, but then you grab its ankle and it drags you along until you stick the blade of your hoe into the ground and force it to a stop.
From there, you give it one final swing.
The King Crow gives a loud caw and flops onto its back, the talons on one skinny leg twitching.
Before you can harvest the gold inside, you and Thud find yourself surrounded by Smart Crows as the Smart Crows begin to caw in unison and step closer, drawing the circle around you tighter and tighter.
"Thud will put in a good word for you with my ancestors."
*flap flap*
The King Crow sits up and caws, silencing all the Smart Crows. The Smart Crows move aside for the King Crow as it struts forward, something in its beak that isn't the piece of gold.
It's a rolled-up piece of paper.
The King Crow holds the paper in its beak until you reach out and take it, and then the King Crow watches as you unroll it.
As Thud looks over your shoulder, you realize it's a map of the dungeon under your floorboards. There's even an "X" marked on the far edge of the map.
It's not clear what the King Crow has in mind, but the Smart Crows aren't attacking you for now.
You and Thud back away from the grove of trees and then Thud helps you back toward your shack. He helps you into your bed and then lies down on the floor and quickly begins to snore.
The next morning, you wake, ribs intact and no worse for the King Crow fight. Thud is already awake and on his way out the door.
"I'll start with the biggest boulders."
You stand up out of bed and follow Thud out the door into the morning sun. When you look to the side of your shack, York is already arriving on his cart.
With no gold for a hoe or for seeds, and no crops to offer York or Lily, your choices are simple.
York slows as he approaches but when he sees you waving him on he flicks the reins and turns his cart back toward Glynton.
Hoe in hand, you and Thud start working on expanding the cleared section at the edge of the field.
At the end of the day, one thing is clear: Despite Thud's enormous strength, he has a hard time pulling rocks out of the ground without a hoe. Tomorrow, you think you might let Thud use the hoe all day and see how much progress he can make on his own.
*klump*
The familiar sound of a Hungry Onion hopping toward you is less terrifying than it was a few days ago. If there were three of them, you might panic. Instead, you walk toward it, circling sideways to take advantage of its inability to quickly rotate.
Then you bring the blade of your hoe down on its top.
*chok*
Now that you've had some practice, it's easier to crack the Hungry Onion open and pull out the small lump of gold inside. All finished, you stand back up and wave to Thud and tie the Hungry Onion around your belt as a second Hungry Onion, fortunately alone, hops out of the wasteland toward you.
*chok*
As you pull the gold out of the second Hungry Onion, Thud stands up and stretches and walks toward you.
"I'm hungry."
You crack the Hungry Onion in half and hand Thud his half, and then take a satisfying crunch of its sharp wet side as the two of you walk back toward your shack.
That's 2g from the Hungry Onions, with another 1g tomorrow if you sell it to York. You're already working your way back to riches!
You take another bite and stop as you notice something tiny and green sprouting from where you planted the seeds yesterday.
It's your farm's first sprouting!
With the sun setting at the flat edge of horizon, you and Thud hurry inside your shack and close the door.
Thud sits down on the floor and crosses his arms. A moment later, he rubs his arms with his hands and looks at you. "There's a draft in this room."
You grab the side of your bed and pull it away from the wall. Thud looks over your shoulder as you reveal the trapdoor and pull it up, opening the whistling black emptiness beneath your floorboards. Thud sticks his head inside the hole and pulls it back up.
When you take out the map, Thud eyes it and shakes his head. "I will stay in the shack."
The allure of "dungeon crops" is too much for you to wait any longer. You climb down the wooden ladder with your hoe and look up at Thud far above you, and then you turn and blink into the darkness.
With a map to guide your route, the way is much quicker. Soon you come to a familiar open room where you fought a Brainfruit and a Blind Onion. You can still smell the sweet scent of its rind.
Too late, you realize it's fresher than you thought. A Brainfruit drifts out of the pitch darkness, followed by another, and a Blind Onion hopping between them. Without hesitation, you swing your hoe down on the closest Brainfruit before it can chant Paralyze.
The second Brainfruit turns its slack empty eyes toward you, and you grip the handle of your hoe tightly.
"Pain."
No sooner has the chant been uttered that you feel a fiery wave wash over your skin.
The Blind Onion has caught you unaware. Its teeth sink into your leg and you drag it forward toward the Brainfruit opening its toothless jaw a second time. The hoe is in your hands and swinging through the air and into its soft pulsing rind.
*splot*
The Blind Onion takes two strikes to kill, but then you feel the satisfying crunch of your hoe's blade through its exterior all the way to the lump of gold inside.