/r9k/ — hello anon. how are you doing? has something been bugging yo

>>84827696 (OP)
Nothing has been bugging be but I really need to go to sleep I am just having trouble at 8 I will turn off my phone and do pushups I hope you have a good week too I like fighting

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>>84827696 (OP)
Yes actually a friend of mine is busy studying right now, and I'm pretty lonely. Its been like this for a week now and I wonder if my relationship with her is dying. Also I've been dealing with depression and stress as of late. I wrote it down today, but as the day has progressed I'm feeling a bit better. I find it hard to express myself on 4chan because I feel like there's a lot of eyes on what I'm typing and it feels like I have to be interesting or funny.

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>>84827707
nice that you have a clear head and i hope you manage to get your sleeping issues figured out desu, i sure am struggling with those.
>fighting
any martial art in particular?
>>84827815
>feeling refreshed I just woke up
impressive. how do i do that?
>motorsport
i like that too, i dont particularly enjoy watching sports, more so playing them occasionally. i like watching rally too, it is astonishing how big the balls of the dudes driving those cars are. i also like spotting cars when i go places trying to guess what model they are and whatnot
>>84827872
>without insurance
really unfortunate. i mean i guess it makes sense since you live in the land of insurance companies. hopefully you dont have to make too many phonecalls to get the stuff you need
>Iate as possible
interesting that you have to do that, but also, i feel like you could just get away with making eggs or something and just posting those. it doesnt seem like anyone actually cares about it so why even worry.
>snuck out of his bedroom window
well i admire his determination to get drunk and i also see myself probably doing that in a few years. cant you just lock his window or something?
>coming up this week?
no. just my niece birthday which i am not looking forward to attending.
>parkour
not really a sport but i do like it aswell, unfortunately i never had the balls to try considering im scared of heights. i also used to watch esports some years ago when i was really into rocket league, even had a favourite team and all
>appreciate some sport
meh, i guess? im still not interested in watching them but i guess i dont dislike the idea of playing. sometimes i go to the basketball court close to where i live and play there by myself. its better than doing nothing, and healthier too. ive been meaning to start working out again so im paying attention to my diet aswell. its bothersome.
>Night-Runners
its a neat little game, i like it. also yes, i did play speed freaks and its fun. you should give it a go

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>>84827884
>my relationship with her is dying
i tend to assume the worst but if they havent texted you in a week or something then it just might. if someone really cares about you they find the time to talk even if they're really busy.
>wrote it down
you have a diary of some sort? i do and it has been helping with my mental aches. i havent wrote in it in almost a month though, i know i should...
>a lot of eyes on what I'm typing
really not as many as you think. and also, no one really cares what you do or say so dont even worry. just be yourself yadda yadda.

>>84827696 (OP)
Hi anon, hope you're doing well. I'm crocheting a scarf for my oneitis and it's driving me insane, I keep messing it up. I've already wasted a ball of yarn.

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I have social anxiety, and I'm also clumsy and awkward. In the last 4 years it happened that I felt embarrassed, anxious and a little stressed in social enviroments. Interacting with people often leads to embarrassment, where I do something wrong and this lead either to people making me feel embarrassed (e.g. making fun of me) or lead me to feel anxious. I have had good moments when socializing, I made some acquaintances and one or two friends, but I still think the bad moments outweighs the good moments and what I feel the most always is the first "mode", the ashamed and anxious one.
Socializing leads to stress. That's why I want not to socialize, and on top of that want to eliminate my need of socializing. If socializing leads to stress and I don't want to feel stress, I don't want to socialize. But at the same time I want to socialize because I'm lonely and miss having someone to talk and I want to eventually have a romance.
I already forgot what I wanted to say when I started writing this, but I really just wish that I either had a successful social life with zero anxiety or that I didn't have the desire to socialize. But I can't escape from the loneliness I feel. It's a little painful.

>>84828057
Oh wait I was meant to post that as a thread but I accidentally posted it here. I'm can't delete this reply, at least not immediately, so please ignore.

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>>84827994
hello, good work on the scarf desu. im sure they'll like it, dont give up! balls of yarn are a small price to pay for a huge wave of satisfaction once you're finally done. also im jealous of your oneitis i wish someone crocheted a scarf for me

also to the anon that posted his thread here accidentally and then deleted it, i dont mind talking with you about that if you want, i did read the post anyway

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>>84827987
>i tend to assume the worst but if they havent texted you in a week or something then it just might. if someone really cares about you they find the time to talk even if they're really busy.
yea i've told myself the same thing, I'm kinda just coping right now and letting my feelings die down because it doesn't help beating myself up over it.
if she doesn't want to be my friend anymore then I'll just let her go
>you have a diary of some sort? i do and it has been helping with my mental aches. i havent wrote in it in almost a month though, i know i should...
sort of I write on my computer sometimes when I have ideas that I need to put out, and I also have a journal that I write entries from time to time.
>really not as many as you think. and also, no one really cares what you do or say so dont even worry. just be yourself yadda yadda.
maybe you're right I just can't be myself when people are watching

>>84827984
>land of insurance companies
You're right about that unfortunately... still, they even list on their site that they offer discounted rates for low-earning clients and yet they only work with insurance??? So they offer discounts on copays or something then? Really weird because I assumed discounts only exist for self-pay clients. Well, whatever. Hopefully I can find somewhere else that will take me.

>get away with making eggs
Anon that's not getting away with it, making eggs would be terrifying! I've only done it like once in my life and... well they turned out decent though it was scrambled eggs of course but I mean still it's a scary food to make considering you can easily spill the yolk everywhere, get eggshells in the pan, burn them, or undercook them and poison someone. Thankfully you are right that they don't care too much so I've just been making REALLY easy stuff for this whole time, like cereal (lole), instant ramen, peanut butter sandwiches, and those ready-made waffles that you just need to heat up. It's pathetic, really. Even these things give me massive anxiety though, just because I don't want a coworker to see me doing it and judge it as not good enough in some way. Wish Anon were here to teach me how to cook stuff confidently...

Ah, both coworkers were just outside for a moment so I made some cereal and took a pic. My hands are literally and non-ironically shaking from the anxiety though...

>determination to get drunk
Not a good determination to have... are you planning on becoming an alcoholic or something? You keep saying that you can see yourself doing that in a few years, which isn't good 'cause then it might actually happen. Remember, alcchy is disgusting!

>lock his window
The windows here don't have locks, they do have alarms but as the people working on that day found out they apparently do not work for some reason. Maybe they'll get fixed at some point, that would be nice.

Cont.

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>>84827984
Cont.

>niece birthday
Mm yeah I certainly wouldn't be happy to attend either, but is there any particular reason you don't want to or is it just because you are tired of going to social events in general and just wish to stay home? At least you can try to think of it as a decent opportunity to get drunk for free, not that I want to encourage that...

>im scared of heights
I don't think that necessarily prevents you from trying it, you can do simple stuff like vaulting over short fences and jumping off benches or something. Or is your fear of heights so bad that even standing on something that's, I dunno, half a meter tall terrifying for you? I am afraid of heights too but it's fairly mild, I can go on a rooftop just fine as long as I don't get near the edge. Though, my palms are getting awfully sweaty just while I'm typing this...
Also, have a random rooftop pic since we're talking about this.

>esports
Oh, neat to know you watched it too. Did you lose interest when you stopped playing as well? E-sports did kind of make me understand why people watch sports, having a favorite team or player and cheering for them can indeed be kinda fun, regardless of what they're playing.

Cont.

>>84827984
>dont dislike the idea of playing
Well that's the better of the two, not much to gain from watching them really (other than a topic of conversation with normies I guess). Good on you for going to that basketball court! Why do you want to start working out, I wonder? I thought you kind of gave up on that after it didn't help with your mental health. Also what do you mean by paying attention to your diet, you mean how much protein you're consuming? I'm pretty sure that only makes like a 1% difference, as long as you're eating enough calories you are almost guaranteed to be eating enough protein as well.
Meanwhile I have not been paying attention to my diet... I bought some trail mix once and have not been able to stop myself from buying more and eating it all in the same day ever since. Grr.

>i did play
Nice that you found some other fun stuff than League! And ahhh it sucks I can't see when you're playing stuff on EGS, I would have wanted to watch...Hopefully I can catch you playing it one of these days. And also try it myself, though I never have enough time to play stuff during the week...

Also you didn't answer what you did this morning Anon... is it something secret or just your usual not wanting to answer things about yourself? I guess I can't force it out of you if you don't want to answer... sorry if it's annoying when I ask you stuff like that desu.

Aaaand now it's time to do my 1 hour of actual work for the day so see you in a bit I guess.

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>>84828196
>I'll just let her go
forcing things never works anyway so its probably the best choice.
>write on my computer
that counts too i suppose. have you been keeping a journal for long?
>just can't be myself when people are watching
if you cant be yourself, then who are you?
>here to teach me how to cook stuff confidently
i think recipes you can look up online are good enough to teach you how to make eggs, its not really that difficult anon... but good work on trying anyway. if your anxiety is that bad then anything you do is a goal reached
>becoming an alcoholic
hopefully i die before that happens. but if i dont die, then yes. i dont see how anyone can live without being addicted to something.
>tired of going to social events
that and it will probably just be awkward since its just family. whatever. if i stay home i'll be miserable anyway so it really doesnt matter what i do.
>half a meter tall terrifying
no, usually its just if i stay near the edge of a rooftop and stare down that i get scared. maybe its not even fear of heights, just normal.
>when you stopped playing as well
yes. i also did start to understand sports fanatics more at the time since i enjoyed cheering for the team and getting excited for matches n stuff.
>why do you want to start working out
out of spite and to prove some people wrong. literally nothing else.
>paying attention to your diet
how much nutrients i intake and i need everyday. and no, it doesnt make an 1% difference, its actually 50%. you can work out everyday for a year and you will not gain a muscle unless you're also eating properly.
>trail mixes
well at least its not junk food so i guess its fine
>what you did this morning
nothing. i played cs2 and worked out. i think i woke up later than usual but i honestly dont even remember. hopefully your workhour goes alright desu. good luck anon

>>84828641
forgot to link
>>84828216
>i think recipes

>>84828140
Thanks anon, I hope he likes it too. if we were friends I'd totally crochet whatever you wanted for you.